Hello. Let's continue talking about the setting. Today we’ll talk about less obvious aspects of the setting. I’ll continue the topic of money. This topic always evokes a lot of feelings and a lot of fantasies. It would seem that paying for something is a common thing. BUT! Therapy is a little different from everyday life. And the topic of money in therapy turns into something special. It will be something different for each individual person. Something that was taken from his past and brought into the present. Of course, this all happens unconsciously and largely automatically. We should not have any illusions that we can control everything in ourselves. So, all the patient’s feelings, fantasies, and thoughts will be an invaluable source of information for the psychoanalyst. They very clearly open the way to injury (or injuries). All these traumas are mostly formed in relationships with parents, brothers and sisters (in general, in the parental family). Why does money highlight everything so brightly? Because only you don’t have to buy self-love from your parents (I mean, normally you don’t have to). The love of our parents certainly belongs to us. We don't pay for it every meeting. But when we come to an appointment, we have to pay for it. And this awakens in us a childish desire to receive attention, care, love without payment, as in childhood. To be honest, I would like to dwell on you in more detail, in one of the next videos I will do this. Let's continue! The setting touches on more than just the topic of money. An important point is communication outside the office and scheduling unscheduled consultations. All kinds of walks, drinking tea or coffee together, attending cultural and public events together is impossible and not desirable in therapy. Perhaps someone will ask: “What is it if I just want to have a human conversation with a therapist?” So this kind of communication is an attempt not to say something in the office. An attempt to “smear” your anxiety outside the office. Of course, this makes it easier to temporarily relieve the tension that arises between the patient and the analyst. And yes, in most cases, the negative aspects of such meetings are not realized at all and there are always a million rational reasons for them. Yes, if the patient's anxiety is too high and simply floods him, then it is possible to call or schedule an appointment outside of the already discussed schedule. But no more, no walks or trips to the theater together, I’m generally silent about restaurants and bars. I would also like to finally touch on the topic of vacations. If an analyst is going on vacation, he warns about it in advance, then reminds him the day before. And this is not just politeness. The patient has many feelings about this. Someone might say, “How stupid is it to be offended or angry or sad when your therapist goes on vacation? I also go on vacation.” Let's start with the fact that these are slightly different positions and the analyst does not lose out to his department in this. But the patient may feel that he has been abandoned. We all react differently to separation. Some more painful, some less. And we have different feelings at the same time. And these feelings are quite normal. It is normal that the patient may be upset by the analyst's vacation. And this is carefully discussed and worked out. As we remember, in therapy you can say anything, absolutely anything. And this all matters. https://psychoanalyst.com