From the author: We all evaluate people we don’t know. And this is an important aspect of self-defense. Even though we do this automatically, it is still possible to consciously work on our “reading” abilities. Here's what you need to do to actually become the super-psychologist in disguise that you probably already think you are. Read people like a book - open to interpretation. Don't be fueled by your own belief that your guesses are what motivates other people are objective observations. This is just a reflection of your personal biases. Trust your intuition, but train it. First impressions are very convincing, but often turn out to be false. And yet, you can’t help but do it (make a first opinion), so it’s better to learn how to do it well. To train your intuition, use your head. If you are intellectually curious, any experience, story, idea, conversation and argument will be a window into you. understanding of human nature. Read more in the social sciences and apply what you learn to everyone. And to yourself as well. The secondary benefit will be that you will become a better listener, motivated to hear others because their stories shed light on us all. It is much easier to “read” others than yourself When someone is trying to solve a problem, you think that you could easily overcome it . Remember that it seems so simple precisely because the problem is yours. We are not expert readers of people just because we feel like we know how everyone around us should live correctly. Don't become a supporter of the "moron theory" Popular folk psychology says: unpleasant people are idiots, who are a special subset of people different from us and you. Sure, they're idiots, but remember that people who disagree with you often think the same thing about you. ..Everyone has their own cockroaches, but not everyone knows how to get along with them. People often talk about what they themselves, not others, need to hear about. When someone suddenly starts talking incessantly about something you never thought to ask, this may indicate that the person is trying to convince himself of something. You can learn a lot about people by listening not only to what they say, but also by understanding why they do it. Listen to the words People tend to insert some neutral words into their speech, which in fact are not neutral at all and have a deeper meaning. Listen to them and you will understand how much the person himself believes in what he says. For example, if a person describes someone as "stubborn" (bad) and then "inflexible" (good), you can bet that person is not very good at separating facts from opinions. Beware of Truth-Tellers As a way of making strong arguments, some people quickly climb onto their favorite horse and begin to broadcast the ultimate truth. They say "You're wrong!" instead of "I think you're wrong." These people themselves do not realize that they, too, are involved in the interpretation of reality. Ignore status Status allows people to appear more credible, which, in fact, is normal, because status is often earned by convincing a large number of people of your authority. Still, there are reasons to remain skeptical about placing unconditional trust in high-status people. Status brings a secondary desire, which over time becomes the main one - the desire to maintain one’s status at all costs. Even if it means telling people what they want to hear. Or no longer think so long before declaring anything. So when you deal with such people, try your best not to pay attention to status. Dilute your stereotypes The backing vocalist of the famous James Brown was once an opera singer. And his ultra-cool guitarist was a farm boy with a bowl haircut. Brown knew how to break stereotypes. We must strive for this too. Constantly.