The other day I gave a lecture at a rehabilitation program. And I came up with an example from life on the fly. In this example, there was a “turnip” instead of a head. In the process of voicing a colorful and emotional example, one of the listeners unexpectedly interrupts: “Well, why are you saying that now, it doesn’t suit you, you don’t need to say such words!” Oh, how often people want to see us strictly in a certain format, role. They have an image of beauty or correct behavior in their heads, into which they try to drive others. Using criticism in the form of a whip. They can also resort to the help of public opinion. If the person being criticized does not heed, you can tell him that everyone on the outside is already horrified by such behavior. Not one person condemns him, but several already. From such an onslaught, a person should definitely give up and format. Why is all this being done? On the one hand, it's about power. The critic is trying to establish his own rules of the game and take a dominant position. It is safer to dominate than to be equal. Among equals there is a fear of falling into submission. And in order to maintain equality for a long time, you must have sufficient personal maturity. There are not many of them in society. This is how we live: who wins. On the other hand, it is important for a critic to stay in his comfort zone. In his usual picture of the world, “correct” has certain shapes and outlines. Sample. And he feels sympathy only for such patterns. In order to begin to sympathize with behavior that is not “correct” - or a person who is not stereotyped - you must, first, realize your tendency to stereotyped thinking, and then add new forms and outlines of the “correct” to your picture of the world. So that this tracing of “correct” is as wide as possible. Otherwise, it turns out the same thing all my life: “I love burning brunettes with green eyes.” What choice does the person being criticized have? He can listen to criticism and change. That is, adjust. For what? To be loved and accepted, to be included in this small social circle where this standard of behavior is required. One person feels bad, it’s difficult or lazy to look for a new social circle, so it’s easier to adapt. And this is how dependent relationships are born. One sets the rules, the other follows them. Violation of the rules is punishable by deprivation of love or exclusion from this social circle. However, if the person being criticized has enough love (for himself or another social circle), then he can refuse to play by the rules of the critic. And behave as he thinks is right. Thus maintaining your independence. But without touching the boundaries of the criticizing side. Which is what I did then at the lecture. “Is anyone personally offended or offended by the word I used? No? Then I will continue the lecture)).” How do you react to criticism?