From the author: Why are we so susceptible to the effects of anger? Is it possible to do something about this? The article examines some of the causes of anger and gives recommendations on how to counter them. Nowhere is procrastination so useful as in anger. Publilius Sirus Humanity stepped into space, looked into the structure of the atom, invented electricity, in other words, learned to conquer space and subjugate different types of energy. No less surprising is the fact that power over his own thoughts and emotions remains beyond his control. The energy hidden in our psyche is enormous and sometimes unmeasurable. Despite how amazingly fine and complex our brain is organized, sometimes it begins to work in completely irrational ways, as cognitive scientists would note. For example, let's take such a negative emotion as anger. Being in this state, we feel the need for destruction. When we get angry, we are ready to destroy something or someone who has upset us. What are the main causes of anger? 1. Moral damage or resentment. In this case, there is a fact of injustice towards us. Any actions that we believe cause us moral harm cause us to respond with anger. This could be an insult, disrespect towards us, an unfair refusal. What is also important here is how emotionally close we are to the offender. If this is a person unfamiliar to us, then instead of anger, only surprise or contempt may arise. And when the offender is close enough to us, anger can be very strong or, conversely, even give way to a feeling of guilt. In the latter case, we tell ourselves “how can you be angry with him/her!” How to resist anger? Anger that arises as a result of being offended by someone is more often of an affective nature, that is, it manifests itself in the form of a sharp impulsive outburst. If we are offended, we without hesitation want to punish the offender and restore justice. In this case, you can cope with an outburst of anger by doing something at the initial stage of the emotion, since then it may be too late. A sharp and quick switch is necessary as soon as an attack of anger is felt approaching. Any reframing techniques will do, for example, imagining that the offender’s voice sounds two octaves higher at the moment of insulting you, turning into a funny squeak. 2. Energy-sapping obstacles. This is where so-called frustration occurs, when we encounter difficulties or obstacles that arise both on our own and thanks to other people. Multiple such stumbling blocks lead to nervous exhaustion, as a result of which we can “take it out” on someone or something. The feeling of anger that arises in us is aimed at destroying the obstacle. This feeling will be the stronger the more it seems to us that other people are deliberately “putting a spoke in our wheels.” We get angry because we feel powerless in the face of difficulties. If we realize that the actions we are taking are not helping us overcome an obstacle, we may direct our anger at someone or something else. How to deal with anger? When we are filled with anger, realizing that we are exhausted and moving in the wrong direction, we need to stop. Another series of curses, spoken or unspoken, aggressive gestures and punches on the table will not do any good. Unless negative energy will be given a way out. Anger really is a force that requires movement and activity. The solution here is quite simple - it is necessary to give vent to this force in action. But only in constructive action. To do this, it’s worth trying to look at ourselves from the outside, as if we want to give advice to someone who finds themselves in a similar difficult situation. An external look helps us see what is hidden from our eyes in a state of passion. 3. Violation of values. A situation often occurs when we see someone acting unfairly not to us, but to someone elsemore. Even though we are not involved in that situation, we may begin to get angry. We are indignant because the values ​​that are important to us are violated when we see someone's behavior going against them. For example, we may feel angry if we see other parents yelling at their child for what we think is a minor issue. Or we may be outraged by the way loving couples communicate with each other: they swear, fight, or behave openly in public. From our point of view, such behavior is unacceptable, so we begin to get angry. How to resist anger? It is certainly unpleasant and outrageous to see our values ​​violated by other people. However, one should remember about the famous Karpman triangle, consisting of a victim, a persecutor and a deliverer. On our part, it may seem that the person being treated unfairly is the victim in this situation. The offender becomes a persecutor for us. Seeing such injustice from the outside, we may be strongly tempted to take the position of deliverer, even if the “victim” did not ask us for help. More often than not, the “victim” also has benefits from such a situation that we are not even aware of. For example, the main benefit is avoidance of responsibility. 4. Failure to meet expectations. Another reason for anger may be that the other person or the situation as a whole does not live up to our expectations. We get irritated and may lose our temper in this case. Our hopes were not justified. Everything should have gone according to plan, but in reality it turned out completely differently than we expected. In part, this reason for anger is reminiscent of what was said in paragraph 2 about frustration associated with the occurrence of obstacles. We feel deceived and lose our peace of mind when another person fails to meet our expectations. For example, this is how parents can react to their own child’s failures. They may be angry because they believe that he failed them and thereby lost their trust. How to deal with anger? By creating expectations about someone or something, we actually raise the significance of some event or phenomenon. The trick is that our expectations are then tied to an object or subject that we cannot fully control. Hence there is a high risk that the result will not suit us. To protect yourself from such developments, you need to lower the bar of expectations and their significance. This is well said in the Gestalt prayer of Fritz Perls: I do my job, and you do yours. I do not live in this world to meet your expectations. And you do not live in this world to meet mine. You are you, and I am me. And if we accidentally found each other, that’s wonderful. If not, nothing can be done. In conclusion, I would like to say a few words about such a thing as anger-defense. It occurs when we are faced with an open threat of physical harm to ourselves or our loved ones. Perhaps this type of anger can be called righteous, since it represents a natural reaction to possible danger. In other cases, anger is destructive, not only for the outside world, part of which we want to destroy in a state of passion, but also for ourselves. Our condition deteriorates, relationships with ourselves, others and the world worsen, because we send negative meta-messages to the outside. If during an attack of anger we are filled with energy, adrenaline and an aggressive mood, then after everything is over, an energy decline and emptiness sets in. We mentally and physically destroy ourselves and close the opportunity to enjoy and enjoy life. To complete the topic of anger, an interesting story that happened to Alexander the Great. When he entered India, he realized that Indians are brave, fearless people. He even became friends with some of them. When he decided to return home, he remembered that his people asked him to bring an Indian yogi. They had heard a lot about yogis and really wanted to see one of them, meet him, talk and receive his blessings.