Author: Vitaly Pichugin Source: http://www.nlplife.ru/ Children want a lot of things: ice cream, fun, idleness, cartoons, attention, understanding. All this must be provided by caring parents. Who else? All children's entertainment costs adults money, time, effort, and sleep. Some parents sacrifice all this for their children, some invest in their children. The investments are conscious and reasonable, they can pay off, or they can turn out to be empty. If a child grows into a worthwhile person, it means that the parents invested skillfully and competently. Empty investments go nowhere, into the sand. Either the child did not need it, or the parents were not prepared for the difficulties of upbringing. But the result is that he grew up to be a dunce. In any case, we can thank our parents for their investments; they tried. They can tell themselves: we did everything possible for our child. Already good. If parents did not invest, but sacrificed, then, regardless of the result of their upbringing, they develop a feeling of loss, dissatisfaction, and self-pity. - All the best years were given to children. - We didn’t sleep at night, we denied ourselves everything. - We worked two jobs so that the child would not need anything. - They gave up their last health for the sake of their children. There is no end to such phrases, you can add it yourself. This is what parents say when they feel like they are victims of their children. Sacrifice is when you don’t want to, but you have to. I’ve heard from many women that they don’t want to breastfeed, because it will “deflate” later and won’t be beautiful. But the child demands, so she has to sacrifice her beauty. When there are a lot of such “donations”, irritation and hostility towards one’s own child arises. Mom seems to love him, but sometimes there is a desire to throw this screaming little monster out the window. Some psychopathic individuals move from such a desire to specific actions. But this is a pathology. In everyday life, parent-victims of children simply beat, bully, and act out their psychological problems. I saw this picture at a bus stop. The mother stood in front of her son and demanded that he “frown his brow.” The boy deliberately frowned and remained silent. The mother started screaming, and the child responded with an even greater frown. Then the mother hit the boy on the forehead with her palm. He frowned even more, but endured. The hysterical mother was the first to lose patience and began methodically, each time intensifying the blows, to hit her son on the forehead with her palm, demanding that he “lose his brow.” After the next blow, the boy’s head fell back, and the back of his head hit the iron stop. It was both painful and offensive, the child could not stand it and began to cry. Oddly enough, mom calmed down, she fulfilled her “educational” influence. Obviously, she was venting some kind of emotional experience, anger, and the demand to “frown her brows” was only an excuse to trigger a hysteria and the possibility of beating the child. She is a victim. • And that he doesn’t “frown.” Is it really a good reason? The victim can be bullied. There is a reason - the child was tortured. It’s somehow indecent to just beat him, but if he’s a little scoundrel, then it’s possible, even necessary. There's a fine line here. It is necessary to punish children, it is necessary to suppress whims. But it is important to understand the purpose of punishment. Is it really for the good, or is the victim parent simply taking revenge for the troubles caused. What to do? Stop sacrificing, start investing wisely. By and large, an intelligent parent does not need anything from a child, and all educational actions should pursue one goal - to raise a worthy person. Then education is a joy. How are interrogations conducted? Countering manipulation30-day exercise program “Humorology or How to become an interesting person” (Electronic book, .pdf)SOS: Save Relationships Now. (Electronic book, PDF)