My previous article, or rather not an article, but the last two paragraphs about anger, prompted a question from one of the readers: “Is the solution to allowing yourself to be angry at others?” I present a screenshot from the article and the reader’s question itself as a fragment of the dialogue that took place. Of course, a lot depends on our attitude towards anger and the ways of its manifestation. Anger includes a diverse range of emotions: irritation, anger, rage. In practice, I have witnessed many cases when a person forbade himself to be angry from the attitude: “if you are angry, then you bad". The list goes on: “unworthy of love, crazy, mundane, not yet enlightened, you will burn in hell,” etc. If a psychologist is dealing with a client who leads a self-harming lifestyle, it is obvious to him that the reason is auto-aggression. When a person he does not allow himself to show anger externally, he directs it towards himself. This is expressed in suicidal conversations and actions, in self-harm of various kinds (cutting, overeating, alcoholism, careless driving, hobbies that risk life, incessant self-accusation), in frequent psychosomatic disorders, etc. To get out of this vicious circle, it is necessary to achieve the realization that “there is anger in me,” and then answer the questions: 1. what situations cause it; 2. what thoughts accompany anger; 3. what beliefs block it; 4. How do you deal with the emotion of anger?5. How can we deal with it differently? Anger is a signal that communicates some unsatisfied need of ours, often associated with past traumatic experiences (for example, the need for respect, gratitude, recognition). Someone, for example, discovers that he constantly suppresses dissatisfaction with the violation of his boundaries by others, but does not find the courage to change this. Various beliefs and fears can block the manifestation of anger: fear of aggression, fear of being rejected, ashamed, thoughts of one’s own insignificance etc. Anger awakens, activates. So, for example, there is a sthenic style of response, aimed at self-affirmation (in its good sense), and there is an asthenic one, leading to the avoidance of difficulties, failures, and a passive, apathetic lifestyle. It is important to understand that anger can be different. Causing harm to others, insults, and accusations will not lead to the desired result and will leave an unpleasant aftertaste in the soul. However, the energy of anger can be directed toward achievements, toward building optimal boundaries with those around you, protecting your interests, having the courage to tell your loved one what you would like to change in your relationship with them, and in general, voicing your emotions and needs. This form of expressing anger is called constructive aggression and there is nothing wrong with it. Even a quarrel can be a manifestation of constructive aggression if it results in a change in attitude towards the problem and emotional release of the participants. My other article on the topic of constructive aggression: “Seven ways to express aggression in an environmentally friendly manner ".* Illustrations: Alyssa Monks.