“It is important to learn correct trust and distrust: who to trust and what to trust,” Irina Aleksandrovna Solovyova, a presenter of seminars on body-oriented therapy, once said. The ideal situation is when a person has good contact with his feelings, his body, and his observing and analyzing parts. And all this works in a single connection. Those. there is self-confidence. Then a person simply “guts” to determine where he can trust and where he cannot. And at the same time he can give reasonable arguments in support of his decision. But what if contact is broken and has not yet been restored? There are people who trust everyone at once. There are people who never trust anyone. There are those who immediately trust, but after the first mistake a person stops trusting forever and in everything. There are those who have trust selectively based on gender, eye color, pitch of voice, etc... Inside each person there is a set of trust experts: a set of internal parts, each of which has its own view of trust and puts its own trust factor (positive or negative) to this or that person in this or that situation. Each subpersonality has its own “weight” (degree of significance); this “weight” can change depending on the situation. And the verdict “to trust” or “not to trust” is initially made based on the total opinion of these experts. (For those who still remember mathematics: D=k1*w1+k2*w2+…+kn*wn. :) For example, Maria, a business woman. When she is at work, her inner adult “rules”, who evaluates everything based on verified information, so when it comes to concluding deals, she is quite cautious and almost always wins. However, if she receives a call at work while on vacation, and she has to make a decision when a contented and relaxed inner child is “at the helm,” she is prone to naive trust and in such situations is often mistaken. And in her childhood, Maria also had a plump, cheerful aunt , who was always affectionate with her, so Maria immediately trusts plump, cheerful women. And in high school, her tall brunette friend betrayed her and stole her boyfriend, so she doesn’t immediately trust tall brunettes. But this is all when she is not at work. Her father abused alcohol, and her mother often said that he was unreliable, like “all men,” so she tends not to trust men. However, when Maria falls in love, her inner child comes to the fore, waiting to finally be loved and naively trusting everything. But as soon as the chosen one misses, the inner parent (the critical mother, who “has all the men”) is activated, and Maria no longer trusts this man in anything. As she accumulates experience in interacting with people, the system must be adjusted. Those. over time, Maria should understand that not all cheerful aunties are “good”, and not all tall brunettes are “bad”. When you get a work call during your vacation, slow down your inner child and activate your inner adult (or simply stop working calls on weekends). And in relation to the chosen man, do not make sharp leaps from pole to pole, but let experience accumulate. And that’s just about experience with a specific person. Maria met Anna. Anna is a brunette, but of average height. And Maria was in a relaxed state of the inner child, and not a teenager who had been deceived by a friend, so Maria was inclined to trust Anna rather than not. Anna was often late for meetings. Therefore, from being a critical parent, Anna’s level of trust has greatly decreased. But Anna was always cheerful and could cheer you up, and you could also call her in the middle of the night and ask for support (unlike Natasha, who did not welcome night calls). Therefore, from the state of a child, the degree of trust in Anna has grown greatly. But Anna could take Mary’s thing, for example, a book, and not return it. Here again the parent became very indignant and reduced the degree of trust to a minus. So, in different situations, Maria perceived Anna differently and could not decide whether she trusted her or not. However, Maria had a strong