“I noticed that you always smile at everyone, but this is only politeness. Your smile is empty and it’s a little unpleasant. It feels like you are hiding your pain behind your laughter.” Nicholas D. Wolfwood A smile is not the only mask that hides the deep and gut-wrenching pain of losing a loved one, a home, a job, the breakup of an important relationship, divorce, serious troubles, and so on. . The masks behind which pain is hidden are different. They have different shapes, sizes, structures, manifestations. Pain cannot always be recognized and often a person’s manifestations are perceived by society as his strengths, but in fact such manifestations are powerful protective mechanisms of the psyche to hide pain. Such masks can be: Externally strong core of a person (for example: “men don’t cry”, “stops a galloping horse”, “I myself”); Increased aggressiveness (for example: “Don’t come!”, “Just try to disobey” ); Lack of emotion (for example: “I never cry”, “calf tenderness”); Alienation (for example: “my house is on the edge, I don’t know anything”, “don’t touch me, because I’m fine”); Preoccupation with sex (“sex is the only way to get pleasure”, “partners for one time”); Other masks that are perceived by others as correct, strong and harmonious manifestations of personality, but in fact, deep inside these people the fire of what they have not experienced aches and groans This kind of pain. When you wear a mask on your face, it’s like a plaster that is stuck on a deep purulent wound. The plaster helps people not to see that there is a wound, and everything is fine on the outside, but meanwhile an infection enters the body like a time bomb. Sooner or later an explosion will occur, if you're lucky - outward in the form of an outbreak of aggression, depressive-manic manifestations and other destructive manifestations of personality. However, most often it explodes inside... Then the pain infects the internal organs and begins to manifest itself in the form of psychosomatic diseases. There are countless such diseases and they manifest themselves depending on where in the body the focus of painful, unexperienced trauma is located, which is squeezed and not allowed to come out. Almost all people, if you ask them where it hurts, show the place where the aching pain from loss is stuck in the body. HOW TO PREVENT BODY DISEASE AND PROVIDE TIMELY HELP WITH PAIN AND LOSS?1. False comforters or what kind of help should be avoided? In many cases, we have someone to turn to for help and can be supported in the way we need it, but there are mistakes that many who sincerely want to help make. In the list below, almost anyone who has ever helped someone with the pain/grief of loss will recognize themselves. Often, inadvertently, we use such false comforters as: “This is God’s Will,” “There are no trials that we cannot endure,” “He will heal before the wedding,” “Time heals,” “Knocks out a wedge with a wedge,” “Next time.” it will be better”, “You will have another child”, “I understand you perfectly, because I experienced similar things”, “Don’t be foolish and stop feeling sorry for yourself”, “Tomorrow you will be better”, “So it was necessary”, “Where your faith in God/higher powers? ", "How long can you suffer? Get it together" (list of fallacious comforters provided by Dr. Merrill Reese, board-certified traumatologist at the Green Cross Academy of Trauma, co-coordinator of the Center for the Study of Trauma at Regent University USA). How can these common words of comfort help a person in difficult times? After all, the pain is inside him and in order to recover from it, he needs to allow it to come out, and not get stuck in the body and go into the depths of the psyche. The false comforters listed above are categorically not recommended for use in cases of pain and grief from loss. Such comforters do not help, but rather enhance a person’s emotional state. When you use them, the person who is experiencing trauma will feel guilty, aggressive,!