You are given a gift, and you feel irritated instead of grateful? They praise you, but it seems to you that this is a failure, and the person is not entirely right? Do you find it difficult to accept something good from another person? Or maybe the need to do something good to another, to praise him once again, causes a storm of resistance in you? This happens often, you are not alone. And the problem is not at all that such behavior or feelings are bad and condemned. The most important thing is that in this way you miss opportunities to be happy, fulfilled, love and rejoice. I know that this is not on purpose, unconsciously. Because no one wishes harm to themselves or others! In order to understand what to do about this, I want to introduce you to the concept of “strokes” from transactional analysis. Strokes are a unit of personal recognition (respect and love). This is an interaction after which a person experiences positive emotions and feelings, upliftment. This includes gifts, gratitude, praise, glances, touches, time spent together, help, and in the sphere of social networks, these are hearts, reposts and favorable comments. By the way, one of the most powerful strokes is nature, which is why we feel so good in contact with it. A person makes all decisions about his future life, including how to handle stroking, before the age of 5 years. That is, when critical thinking has not yet been formed. In fact, we write our entire life scenario using children’s magical thinking. Why be surprised that these decisions are not always expedient and do not always benefit us? In fact, at the time of making decisions, this is the best choice that helps the child adapt as effectively as possible to the life situation in which he finds himself. But we grow, our lives change, the conditions that surround us change. And then children's decisions sometimes become too small for us. Well, we have the power to review them in order to make a new decision that will be most effective for the present moment, which will be “on time” here and now! In addition to stroking, there are also kicks and interaction without feelings. I will definitely write more about them in future publications. And now I invite you to think about your personal prohibitions on stroking. There are 5 possible prohibitions: 🚫 Don’t ask; 🚫 Don’t give; 🚫 Don’t take; 🚫 Don’t refuse if they give (even if you don’t have to); 🚫 Don’t stroke yourself. Please write, without stopping yourself, listing in as much detail as possible all the possible reasons you think:🖊️ why you shouldn’t ask for strokes (gifts, praise...);🖊️ why you shouldn’t give strokes to others (for example, praising someone often );🖊️ why you can’t take, accept strokes from others (for example, if they praise, you need to immediately move the conversation to another topic or downplay your merits);🖊️ why you can’t refuse strokes (gifts, compliments...) if they give, even if you don’t need what they give at all; 🖊️ why you can’t stroke yourself (praise, support, create pleasant things). After that, review each statement with a critical eye, asking yourself the following questions: ❔ is this really so; ❔ how does this belief benefit me and others; ❔ what would my life be like if I had a different belief. You may be very surprised by what guides you in life. Sometimes, to make serious changes in your life for the better, it is enough to reconsider just one belief that interferes with happiness!