From the author: why does the birth of a child often lead to shock? and what to do about it? “Maternity leave” - what was the first thing that came to your mind when reading? - rest from work? - pleasant chores and preparations for meeting the baby? - fear (of losing yourself, childbirth, falling out of the profession, etc. .d.)? - creepy or, on the contrary, too sweet stories of “experienced mothers”? If this is your first maternity leave, then most likely your expectations will be far from reality. This applies to both moms and dads. Many note that the birth of a child was a real shock for them, despite all the preparations. Of course, the appearance of a new, dear and beloved little man is happiness. But also stress, which is reflected in the stress scale of Thomas Holmes & Richard Rahe. The results of a survey of mothers who were on maternity leave for the first year showed that parents, most often, are not ready for: - a reduction in their freedom and personal space; - frustration of basic physiological needs (rest, sleep, food); - a new distribution of responsibilities in the family; - to the fact that you will have to ask for help (sometimes it’s not even clear what kind); - to a new hormonal background, when emotions overwhelm even previously calm girls; - to constant psycho-emotional stress (anxiety for the child, anger, guilt and other strong feelings and emotions). Is it really that sad? Of course not. So what to do about it? Look for ways to help yourself and restore strength. What can help you cope and restore strength: - first of all, the help of your husband. You need to ask him to help with the child and take care of you (pour tea, let him go to the shower or to the store, eat in peace); - there will be less freedom, you need to learn to adapt to new conditions. Finding opportunities somewhere, but mostly taking it for granted; - asking for help from relatives. It is often not clear what exactly to ask for: experiment with types of help. This could be a request to wash the dishes, cook dinner, bring you groceries from the store, play with your child while you do something. At the same time, not everyone is suitable for this type of help, such as taking the child for a walk and leaving you to “rest.” It is very likely that the mother is worried and will not relax. After all, a mother and a child have a special connection in the first year of life; - remember that the child is growing and inconveniences are temporary; - learn to understand your emotions (preferably before birth, perhaps with the help of specialists); - knowledge will help you cope with anxiety for the child developmental features of the baby. There are many courses, information on the Internet, or you can contact specialists in advance; - do not despair, seek help and support, pleasant(!) communication in groups and forums for mothers; - take a walk; - go on a visit, invite someone to visit (if possible ); - sleep during the day with your child or just relax, and if it doesn’t work out, don’t be upset about it; - try to do things while the child is awake; - light exercise, yoga will help; - new or renewed hobbies. And, of course , the main resource becomes the joy of motherhood from the closeness of a little dear person, who little by little learns to smile at mom and dad, with whom you develop a warm and tender relationship. Author: Alexandra Vyrupaeva, psychologist and mother on maternity leave