From the author: The article talks about the formation of strong-willed qualities and the ability to overcome oneself in a child aged 6–11 years. Understanding the psychological mechanism of volitional effort and relying on the recommendations given help the parent to see what “happens to the child” when he cannot force himself, and how to influence his behavior. As they raise a primary school child, parents often have to deal with a situation where the child cannot force himself to do so. This is clearly manifested in sports, when after a particularly intense workout or high demands from the coach, the child loses the desire to exercise, intends to quit the section, or begins to avoid visits under any pretext. This phenomenon is also noticeable in school studies: the child seems to be doing well in school, feels confident in the lessons, but as soon as he comes across a problem with an asterisk or a new exercise that has not yet been discussed in class - stupor, inability to think and look for an answer, readiness to give up the solution or immediately resort to the hint. This trait also manifests itself during walks, when after an unusually long walk the child begins to whine, complain that he is tired, and refuses to go further. In such cases, it is common for many parents to turn to their son or daughter with decisive calls: “Get your act together! Tune in! Think about it! Don't be a wimp (stupid, whiner)! You have to be able to force yourself! Be patient!” And frustration, grief or irritation that naturally arises within the parent as a reaction to the fact that the call did not work and the child was unable to “get ready, tune in, think about it”, but, on the contrary, became confused, burst into tears or began to actively protest, become just as commonplace. Consultative experience shows that it is common for such parents to place demands on their child (openly or internally) that are excessive in relation to primary school age, and to expect behavior from the child that he cannot yet objectively demonstrate. After all, in order to “pull yourself together, tune in, think about it” and... overcome yourself, a person needs a whole set of complex psychological skills. This is: The ability to control one’s behavior, the ability to stop or resume activity at will. Physiologically, the development of this skill is associated with the maturation of the frontal lobes of the brain. These are complex parts of the brain and they complete their formation by the age of 17–20 years. At primary school age, the ability to clearly monitor one’s behavior is still developing, and therefore children are distinguished by spontaneity, distractibility, and impulsiveness. If the skills to control learning activities (writing, counting, reading) should already be formed by the age of 7-8, then the ability to stop and resume any activity (including emotional experiences, thoughts) will be formed later, by the age of 14-18. It is this ability that determines whether a person, even if he doesn’t feel like it or is tired, can start doing something, for example, walk, think, continue training. Understanding your desires, needs and the ability to divide them into important and momentary, main and secondary. Otherwise, psychologists call this the hierarchy of motives of behavior. Its first manifestations are noticeable already in children of 3 years of age, for example, in the ability to obey an adult and go to bed (the mother’s request is more important than their own reluctance to go to bed) or in the ability to hear “no” and not take candy from the table , which was forbidden to eat. At the same time, the hierarchy of motives will finally develop by the end of adolescence, and it is then that the main, less important, and not at all important needs, desires, and goals will be clearly identified. The ability to focus on what you “need” and not what you “want” The ability to “force yourself” assumes that the need to continue an interrupted action (workout, solving a problem, long walk) will outweigh the reason why this action was interrupted (fatigue , pain, lack of readysolutions). And this is only possible with a clear understanding of “why this is necessary” - to overcome yourself. For a junior schoolchild, this understanding, or rather the internal experience of necessity, is still not enough. In the child’s soul, “I want”, “I like”, “fascinates” prevail, while “I need” is still less. You've probably noticed that sometimes adults don't have much of it either. Depending on the development of conscience and morality, the ability to prefer “should” where necessary goes through a complex path of development, and primary school age is approximately the middle of this path. Knowledge of one's strengths and internal resources. The willingness to “overcome oneself” implies that a person, while stepping over, will rely on those strengths and qualities that will help him endure pain, discomfort, and make an effort. In sports, this could be the ability to quickly regain strength, in studies - an all-consuming interest or ambition, on a walk - curiosity about what is hidden around the next corner. To use your own resources, you need to be aware of them, and understand yourself as a person, you need the ability to reflect - the development of which is recognized by psychologists as a feature of adolescence and adolescence. The ability to maintain high performance It is obvious that none of the psychological skills listed above will help to force oneself if a person has low performance, he quickly gets tired and exhausted. Overcoming yourself requires physical strength and energy. Let us note that a junior schoolchild, who tends to move a lot, grow quickly, master the school curriculum, learn to be friends with peers, intensively wastes his energy and naturally gets tired. In addition, many modern children are characterized by increased fatigue. And sometimes a child may simply not have the strength to overcome himself. Thus, it is really difficult for a child to force himself the way we, adults, usually do it through “I don’t want”, directing all our strength to achieving what is important for ourselves, with a clear understanding of “why this is necessary.” But examples of little record holders, inquisitive scholars and simply hardworking children exist and there are quite a lot of them! It turns out that the child can still be patient and pull himself together! What is needed for this? The first and most important thing that makes it possible for a child to overcome difficulties is understanding from close adults. These can be parents, teachers, coaches who, seeing the child’s reluctance to “stress,” listen to him and try to understand the reasons for what is happening. It is important and pleasant for a child to feel that he is understood. And it’s good when an adult voices what is happening inside the child, names the feelings that he experiences in the situation: “I understand that it’s difficult for you now and you don’t want to move on at all. It sounds like you're tired and would like to rest." OR "Yes, this problem seems to be puzzling. It's annoying when you can't solve an example from a textbook. You're confused." Understanding from adults helps the child get rid of negative feelings. Without the burden of annoyance at the situation and confusion, it is easier to overcome difficulties. Perhaps you will have doubts, reading these words now (“What else! If you sympathize with him, he will completely lose his mind, he will not be able to pull himself together”), and remember how sometimes coaches shout, teachers scold, parents press on him. Yes, emotional pressure can lead to a child forcing himself and doing what is needed. At the same time, he will do this out of fear of being punished, feeling the adult’s dissatisfaction with himself, his own failure. You won't get far with this kind of attitude. Resentment towards an adult, self-doubt, anxiety, which appeared inside the child in response to pressure, give rise to a reluctance to invest in the future, blocking the development of interest in the matter. The second thing, thanks to which a child can overcome his own reluctance, is a feeling of support from adults. When faced with difficulties, the child begins to internally doubt himself (“I won’t succeed, I won’t even try”, “problems with an asterisk are not for me”, “it’s very difficult, I won’t be able to do it”). The words of an adult “U