From the author: Only sometimes during a divorce, the unspoken agreement between the unconscious expectations of parents and children become visible... Divorce between spouses is a traumatic circumstance for the entire family. Often, in order to drown out their own deep feelings of guilt, parents, mistakenly, believe that divorce will not affect their children or will not make them worry much. And here the first problem appears, which significantly reduces the children’s chances of successfully surviving the divorce of mom and dad. With the hope that they can divorce without hurting their children, parents open the door wide to defense mechanisms such as denial and repression. Then, wishful thinking, parents simply do not notice that their children are suffering due to divorce, not paying attention to children's signals about their fears and worries. Often, children themselves play along with their parents in order to close their eyes to their experiences in a difficult situation, to deny their feelings, problems, reality. The situation of parents’ divorce leads to the formation of neurotic symptoms - difficulties in school (kindergarten), aggressive or depressed mood, apathy, nighttime urinary incontinence, fears, somatic diseases, etc. Few children openly express their reactions to divorce. But since they have a kind of “antenna” for catching the expectations of their parents, they try to respond to them. For example, they will calmly react to mom’s message about the divorce, but they will start crying when they see that dad is packing his things to leave. In the first case, support for the mother’s condition (the initiative for divorce comes from the mother). In the second case, the father would be unbearably offended if the children reacted with indifference or relief to his departure (after all, he wanted to stay). When a child himself does not want to take his pain seriously, it is easier for him not to show it to others. But the manifestation of open pain, nevertheless, is the only way to overcome it. Otherwise, this pain cannot be “processed,” and then deep traumas remain in the child’s soul forever. Divorce or the departure of one of the parents causes a number of fears, feelings and thoughts in the child (children). First of all, this is the fear of never seeing dad (mom) again, who will now live in another place, separately. This means forever losing the person you love most. This is accompanied by another fear, especially characteristic of young children. After all, parents often explain the reasons for divorce like this: “We don’t love each other anymore and we quarrel a lot,” etc. This is where a child’s illusion can be destructive: the belief in eternal happy love. Children suddenly learn that love also has an end. And the child develops a fear that one day his parents may stop loving him and leave him. Other traumatic affects are also associated with this: partial loss of his identification. Divorce of parents and separation from father (mother) causes not just disappointment, sadness and fears, but also loss of oneself. This is due to the fact that any love relationship changes us, i.e. we “accept into ourselves” a part of a loved one. “And then I stopped understanding who I actually am!” Dad took a part of me with him! Took my heart! - how much bitterness and disappointment there are in these words of a twelve-year-old girl who was undergoing a correctional cycle of classes with me! The departure of a parent takes away from the child not only a beloved object, a partner, but also a part of his personality. For children, separation has a more dramatic effect than for adults, since a huge part of their personality development is based on identification with aspects of their parents' personality as they perceive them. Thus, separation not only makes the child lonely, but it also “halves” him. Often a child loses precisely the “manly” parts of his personality (a sense of strength, boundaries, independence, etc.). Divorce of parents also causes other feelings in children, for example, aggressiveness. It appears through a feeling of abandonment, abandonment, betrayal. But aggressiveness can also counteract fear..