Very often, parents instill in their children the attitude that being angry is bad, girls don’t get angry, why are you angry, you’re a boy, you should be more restrained. What should I do? Typically, anger makes the situation worse. In a fit of anger, we are fussy, tense, irritated, everything goes wrong, but in a fit of anger we create activity! Have you noticed that in a fit of feelings, first we become angry, then the other person next to you becomes angry, and if you stop and look around, you will notice that everyone around you is angry, but the problem is not solved! Based on human evolution, anger helped us survive, defend our right to a partner, procreation, or act when we failed to get food, anger helped us to be active, so that with every unsuccessful attempt to get food and desire did not fade away. In the modern world, unfortunately, anger can be destructive. In a fit of anger, domestic murders occur when the partner began to act differently than the head of the family imagined. Violence, humiliation, murder, these are some of the problems that anger creates for us on the path of life. The feeling of anger can be both our partner and our worst enemy, and this depends on the development of our conscious thinking. Techniques for working with anger: Grounding. When we are overcome by anger, it seems to us that our consciousness turns off and we are faced with only one question: how to overcome what we cannot do? You need to learn to pay attention to your feet. Pay attention to how your feet are in contact with the surface on which you are standing, whether it is comfortable or not, whether there is pain or not. Whether your feet are warm or cold. This technique will allow you to switch your attention to sensations, which allows your brain to rest, and then take the next step to overcome the feeling of anger. Statements “I am angry!” Feeling angry, we first of all blame the whole world and everyone around us for the fact that events are not happening the way we would like. Instead of blaming everyone around you, practice using the statement: I’m angry with you, dear, that you came again today, drunk from work, rather than a scandal and mutual insults. I get upset when you don't offer to help me around the house. Reproaches in the form of you don’t value my work, I invested my whole life in your upbringing, but you don’t value me, it’s difficult for you to wash the dishes after yourself, clean your rooms, these statements will only cause anger and guilt. Applying the technique of affirmation will allow you to overcome anger not through accusations and conflict, but through an assertive way that does not harm others or create more anger and misunderstanding. The task of the technique is to learn to share your feelings and problems in a calm, respectful manner, thereby showing concern for your feelings and the feelings of others. Walk. This technique manifests itself in the form of physically withdrawing from situations that cause anger. Let a flood of emotions rage now, from an unbearable colleague, or you can’t submit reports on time, or your lover behaves rudely, try to distance yourself from emotions, take a walk in the fresh air, calm down. As soon as you feel that you have calmed down a little, use the “affirmation” technique. The use of these techniques will allow you not to blow up the world around you, and maintain your internal balance. Dialogue. A good technique that allows you to distract yourself when you are on the verge of feeling angry. Talking to yourself in the form of saying supportive phrases, calm down, I’ve already been in a similar situation and coped well, this too will pass, relax, it will allow you to calm down and find the strength to act more rationally while on the verge of feeling angry. Distraction. When you are doing something you enjoy, it is difficult for your brain to focus its attention on two objects, thereby distracting you from feeling angry. Anything you find relaxing in your life can be a good distraction. Common distractions include board games, video games,listening to music, reading a book, watching a movie, etc. Writing. To get to know yourself better, to know your feelings, emotions and thoughts, make it a rule to keep a diary. Write down in your diary what makes you angry and why it happens. Note your thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations in your diary, and give a rational answer to what is happening on paper. Journaling can be a healing tool for you, a teacher that allows you to see the reasons for anger in life situations, and help you explore possible solutions. When anger overcomes you, engage in distracting actions around the house: - Clean up the house, apartment. - Put household documents in order - Wash the dishes - Change the bedding, etc. Distracting actions help to shift your attention to cool down from the raging anger, look at the situation more rationally...Question. In a difficult stressful situation, when a feeling of anger overcomes, it will be better to learn to ask yourself questions and give rational answers to them. Questions to ask yourself: What do I want to achieve now? What does anger give me? What are the ways out of the situation? What can I do to resolve the situation? Will my anger help solve the problem?Body techniques. During times when we experience feelings of anger, our body is overstressed. As a rule, we do not express our feelings, bodily sensations are suppressed. You can get rid of anger with the help of physical exercises: - washing in cold water - tapping yourself on the back with your palms - squats - jumping in place, etc. Our strength. Anger is our protector from overstrain and emotions. Anger is a protective reaction of the body. This belief must be developed in oneself, learning to express one’s anger so that this skill takes root in us. Old beliefs: being angry is bad, anger is a sign of weakness, etc. Such beliefs lead to the suppression of one’s emotions, the development of overstrain, and psychosomatic manifestations. It is important to allow yourself to be angry and feel anger, it is the same emotion as laughter! Laughter is a natural emotion, the difference from anger lies only in our internal prohibition caused by mental beliefs. It is necessary to get rid of negative beliefs progressively, through trial and error, replacing negative ones with more rational ones. If there is a need, express your anger on a physical level - hit a pillow, lock yourself in a car and scream at the top of your lungs, express all your anger on paper and burn it. Dialogue. An effective way to deal with anger is to talk about your feelings about who made you angry. State in the dialogue: “Understand, I don’t like the way you speak, with me it makes me angry. I'm angry with you because...” If it is not possible to express your feelings to the offender in dialogue, you can express them through a letter or a mirror. Write a letter about your anger to the one who angered you in small details, read it in front of the mirror, imagining how you are talking to the one who angered you, and then burn this letter. Try to forgive the one who angered you; forgiveness gives freedom from aggression on the path of life. Diary. As a rule, the same situations make us angry! Keep a diary in which you note what causes anger and other emotions in you, and give a rational answer about how you would like to behave in the future in a similar situation. It often happens that we ourselves provoke certain behavior of people towards us, thereby causing a feeling of anger in ourselves. Both inside and outside. Make it a rule to write in your diary what upsets you, remember that assessing situations allows you to find the cause of your anger and change your thinking! Stop. Anger creates physical, emotional, and social problems. It is very difficult to stop during periods of anger, but it is possible. Excessive, chronic anger often comes with great losses in the professional, family and social spheres of our lives. Stopping is an important way to prevent unconscious outbursts of anger. It is important to stop, pay attention to your feet, the sensations in them, look at the objects that surround you, note at least five, after!