Everyone has a friend who is always asking for favors. He calls you once every couple of months to borrow money, to pour out his heart after another breakup with a girl or dismissal from work. It’s awkward for you to refuse and with the usual movement of your hand you throw another couple of thousand onto his card, knowing that he won’t return it. You listen to his tearful confessions, understanding that his advice is meaningless. After which he disappears again for an indefinite period. Is this friendship or dishonest exploitation? Recognize the signs of a fake friendship One of the signs of a fake friendship is when you are asked for help but never offer anything in return. Think about what you get from being friends with this person? -Do you like communicating with him, or are you trying to avoid it? -Are you comfortable with him, does he share your interests, or does communication consist of awkward pauses? -Does he recognize your services or does he take them for granted? If you responded positively to each of the questions, then you are dealing with a toxic friendship. What to do? You can continue to tolerate this person, only it will no longer be friendship, but charity. Or you may decide to end the relationship. This is a bad scenario, but you cannot take responsibility for the well-being of an adult. A toxic friend will use your energy and resources as long as you allow them. What to do if you want to maintain a relationship with him? First of all, you need to set boundaries. An honest and open conversation is important. Tell him how you feel. Give facts and ask why he behaves this way? Why not just call, why not invite you to visit? Evaluate how he responds. Most likely, he will start talking about himself and complaining about life again. Return him to the original question, tell him that you understand that it is not easy for him, but let him directly answer the question you asked. Remember that this conversation may end in conflict. The “friend”’s defense mechanism will turn on and you will be the one to blame. He will accuse you of greed, arrogance, hint that you are undeserved of your fortune, while he, the poor one, is breaking through from the bottom and fighting the injustice of life. This is fine. Actually, this is what needs to be proven. How can you avoid being used in the future? You can control your actions towards other people, but not their actions towards you. Think about why you could be used: -Have you always said “yes”? -Are you good at saying “no”? -What happens if you say “no”? -Do you know how to provide services when it’s convenient for you? -Have you tried give a person a “fishing rod” and not a “fish”? We often indulge in mistreatment of ourselves out of pity, or out of reluctance to conflict. A real friend will accept your no, a real friend will hear your arguments. Toxic friends and partners do not know how to give and value relationships; whether to communicate with such people or not is, in the end, only your choice. Read more of my articles on my Yandex Zen channel. Subscribe and like.