From the author: Sometimes spouses, living together, do not live together, but live in the past. In a family, each spouse has his own skeletons of the past in the closet. Sometimes they begin to move, shaking relationships. In this article we will not talk about lovers and mistresses, smoldering first loves and sexual stories, but we will focus on the closest line of activity of the past, namely on relatives, parents, brothers, sisters and old friends and super-significant communication with them. The story of one family: “I come home from work, and he’s talking to his mom on Skype, just soul to soul, and he didn’t even say hello to me. When the conversation ended, he locked himself in his room and didn’t want any intimacy, no communication, nothing. And this happens quite often, almost every time he talks to his mother or sister he moves away from me. I feel it.” What can I say? Sometimes spouses call into the past with the hope of finding a like-minded person to “make friends against” their spouse. Here, in addition to other possible reasons, the matter, of course, is connected with the fact that the separation of the son from the mother did not occur and, of course, not the least reason - family upbringing. But not only did the connection with his mother not evolve, the son, to some extent, did not break with his past, but remained in it. He grew up, but did not mature. In the old days, for example, morals were stricter and there spouses had to adapt, willy-nilly, and look for a way of happy interaction. But this was taught, this was the norm. Today the problem, to put it mildly, is not so acute. Relationships in some families are generally characterized by a lack of intimate communication, which is so important for happiness in the family. For some reason, the spouses do not find a common wave, they are not interested in each other. The spouse clearly satisfies his need for close communication with relatives and friends. And the need to build bridges with your spouse disappears by itself. There is no need to work, to adapt to change, if there is a past. It's like masturbation instead of sex or alcohol instead of the true joys of life, for example, professional achievements. No effort, press a button and fly) This problem is closely related, among other things, to the huge selection of opportunities to satisfy communication and a person’s inability to set priorities. Why develop and grow up, why build relationships, everything is already normal or are we playing by my rules or have I gone to the past. There, in the past, it was good, they loved a person for who he is and understood him perfectly, and sometimes “in looked into the mouth." Often in such families there is also no full financial separation from the parental family of one or both spouses. Accordingly, there is no need to grow up, change, or grow personally; it’s easier to remain childish. This is a very dangerous family symptom and this problem needs to be solved as soon as possible. Until the story goes too far. For advice on family, personal and parent-child issues, please contact 89625890674 (Gennady Lavrentyev)