The ability to defend personal boundaries is a frequent request when working with a psychologist. But it’s not always possible to notice in time that your boundaries are being violated. Why does this happen and how to change it? Usually, such difficulties arise if in childhood you did not gain experience of where your boundaries are and where the “territory” of another person is. In some families, it is generally accepted that a child should not have anything “his own”, but can only have “common”. Especially if it’s someone close: mom, dad, brothers or sisters. As a result, if you don’t know where your boundaries begin and end, then those around you probably don’t know either. Therefore, they can periodically, and perhaps constantly, violate them. You understand this only when severe discomfort arises and the situation has gone very far. To change the usual scenario, it is important to learn to notice signals that your boundaries are being violated. These are signs such as: You often get angry. It is difficult for you to refuse a request or favor, even if you are tired and do not want to do what is asked. You feel yourself responsible for the feelings or even actions of other people, you are afraid of upsetting others. You don’t understand what you really want, or you can’t want something at all. You continue relationships with people you don’t like, tolerate them. You believe more in other people’s opinions about yourself and yours life than your own, it always seems to you that others “know better.” Violating boundaries can actually destroy a person as an individual. He no longer feels the right to manage his life, to refuse what is unpleasant to him. There is a feeling that as a person he is unimportant and his opinion does not matter. Fortunately, you can learn to strengthen your boundaries! Where can you start? For example, you can identify important areas of life for yourself and answer a few questions: In what situation do you feel unpleasant emotions? How comfortable would it be for you in this situation? How exactly is it uncomfortable? How can one deal with you? How can you not? What is good for you? What's wrong? Only you can take responsibility for respecting your boundaries and thus take care of yourself! Be sure to tell other people when you feel your territory is being “invaded.” To do this, you can choose reasonable, constructive ways. I will definitely share some techniques. Sometimes you can handle this on your own. But if it doesn’t work out, it’s better to seek help from a specialist. Then you can acquire the skill of defending your boundaries much faster. Do you feel where your boundaries are? Sincerely, psychologist Irina Zhueva. You can sign up for a consultation by phone/WhatsApp/Telegram +7 962 407 45 60