I continue the topic of destructive female relationship scenarios. Today we’ll look at the “Cinderella” scenario. The first part here is repeated female scenarios, where I explained in more detail how they are formed. I will attach all parts below. Features of the scenario In the family, the girl does not feel in her place in the family system, she feels a constant threat of being rejected if she does not meet parental expectations. She seems to be balancing on the border of the family system. Thus, in relationships with parents, including dad, the experience of secure attachment is not formed. As a child, the girl had many prohibitions and obligations, problems with personal boundaries, sensitivity to her own needs was not developed, and, as a result, no desires. the skill of making your own choices, presenting yourself, setting and defending the boundaries of what is acceptable, including in relationships with men. Often “Cinderellas” receive the following attitude at an early age: if you are good, we will praise you, which means you will not be “rejected.” Hence the great fear of making a mistake. Relationship with father Emotional contact is broken, the relationship is more like a formal one. Either the father has given in to his domineering wife and is not protecting his daughter. “Cinderella” is afraid of not pleasing both, she tries very hard to earn recognition and love. How does the scenario manifest itself? “Cinderellas” are always ready to help, support, do something for others, even if it is completely inconvenient for themselves, because their own needs are not clear not allowed. They have low self-esteem, an excellent student complex, a fear of making a mistake, behind which there is a fear of a father figure. It is difficult for them to make choices, including in relationships with men, to take the initiative. She doesn’t understand what kind of man she needs, so if a man has chosen her, she agrees, even if it’s not the right person or the relationship she would like “Cinderella” holds on to any relationship for fear of losing it, because she doesn’t feel stable enough in relationships. As a result, she agrees to be the third wheel in a relationship and can be in a triangle for years. When there are difficulties in a relationship, even if a man does something unacceptable, for example, drinks or cheats, he blames himself for everything because she is not trying hard enough. What does a “Cinderella” come to a psychologist with? With a request to help a spouse, a child, a lover, but not himself. How can I make him marry me / quit drinking / find a job / children obey / my mother-in-law does not offend? etc. The request may be to get out of this state, but he does this not for his own sake, but in order to continue to cope. Help me figure out what I’m doing wrong, why I’m not like that, that I don’t deserve a good relationship. How exit the script? Shift the focus to yourself. Accumulate resource. Learn to ask for help and support. Understand your value, boundaries, learn to understand your feelings. Material taken from the book “It’s All About Dad” by Yulia Zotova and Maria Letucheva If you feel that you can’t cope on your own, come for a consultation, I will be happy to help you. Appointment WA 89180369412 or private message Psychologist Olga Syrcina