Already a classic example of a “double message” was the phrase: “Stop! Come here!” addressed by a caring mother to her child frolicking near the roadway. In everyday speech, we often use such short but succinct expressions. As a rule, adults, having digested it on a conscious level, are able to understand the meaning that first they need to stop (stop being naughty), and then approach their mother. But is the subconscious, and especially the child’s, capable of understanding and appreciating such linguistic pearls? An equally colorful example of a classic double message, which illustrates the deep essence of this phenomenon, is “I order you not to follow my orders.” Double messages (double bind, and in Russian practical psychology - a schizophrenic situation) are, to put it simply, a contradictory situation created by a person, or a contradictory statement. Firstly, these are situations when the very words that a person utters are absurd and contradictory. For example, a dad turns to a child who, instead of eating, spins around and says: “Shut your mouth! Eat porridge!” Secondly, these are situations when WHAT we say and HOW we say it (gestures, facial expressions, posture) do not match. For example, a mother, who herself does not like oatmeal, but considers it useful to feed her child with it, tells him: “Eat, the porridge is delicious,” but two minutes before that, the baby saw how the mother grimaced when she tried the porridge to see if it was ready. Thirdly, these are ironic and sarcastic statements that a person until a certain age is not able to understand and correctly evaluate. For example, a person commits an offense, and they say to him with a certain intonation “Well done!” Fourthly, these are situations when we say one thing and do something completely different. For example, a father teaches his son not to smoke, but at the same time actively smokes himself; teaches his daughter not to lie, and while talking on the phone, he deceives his boss that he is working, although in fact he is relaxing with his family. Or the wife demands from her husband that he earn more, but when he begins to work intensively and spend less time at home, he creates a scandal that he should pay more attention to his family. Why are double statements dangerous? A person with whom they constantly communicate in the language of “double messages” constantly feels insecure; he is, as it were, in an ambivalent situation when one way or another he will do everything wrong. He does not understand what to do, it is very difficult for him to make choices and decisions. These people very often use phrases in their speech: “yes, but...”, “maybe yes, but maybe not,” “I think I want/love/understand/, but I don’t seem to really.” If we are talking about children who are constantly sent ambivalent messages, then this significantly affects their self-esteem and respect for themselves. What can you do in a situation where double messages are constantly being broadcast to you: 1. if loved ones act this way, talk to them, express your feelings (resentment, grief, confusion); 2. tell the person that he is using double messages (maybe he has never noticed this in himself), even if he does not appreciate it, he will think about it; 3. try to minimize communication with people who regularly make similar statements and situations. And, of course, try not to create such situations yourself and avoid statements that are inherently contradictory.