You can be indignant indefinitely, looking at the earth parched by the sun. There is another way. Take a watering can, fertilizers and start creating conditions. It’s the same in relationships with men: you can be indignant at the fact that he does something wrong or doesn’t do it at all, and educate him. An alternative way is to care and create a feeling of acceptance, peace and value. Next we will talk about how to do this. The first and most important thing here is to love and accept, to make the man feel it. Often we act from the opposite position: “Now everything is bad and I’m unhappy. Fix everything and I’ll treat you better.” In this case, the partner feels “bad”, strength and inspiration melt before our eyes. He has no confidence that when he corrects the situation, the attitude towards him will really change, new demands will not appear, as was the case in “The Tale of the Fisherman and the Fish.” It is important for a man to be sure that he is unconditionally loved and appreciated. Therefore, it is necessary to talk about this in words that are understandable to him, to give unambiguous signals. This message can be expressed in the following words: “I love you. I love you no matter what. I am happy with you. And even if everything is as it is now, I will be happy.” . It is very important that it is your words and actions that you really believe in it. Such a message gives a man confidence in a “reliable rear” and allows him to feel support. This is especially important during difficult periods for relationships and families, for example, when there are financial problems, difficulties at work, etc. If we experience strong emotions, but do not explain to our partner what they are connected with and how we feel about the current situation, then his fantasy “turns on.” This usually doesn't lead to anything good. He begins to think that you are upset because he was not paid a bonus or will be paid later, but you are actually worried about a quarrel with a friend and are angry with your boss, etc. Secondly, pay attention not only to that WHAT we say, but also HOW we speak and behave with our partner. When we don't speak directly, our partner still receives signals about how we feel about them. There is an interesting story about this. The father had 3 daughters, two of them were bright, punchy and active. The third was very modest, quiet and not very attractive at first glance, but very caring and intelligent. For the first two, the father asked for 1000 bulls as ransom, and the youngest was ready to marry without any ransom at all. One day a young man came to his father to ask permission to marry his youngest daughter. The father readily agreed and reminded him that he did not need any ransom. However, the young man insisted that the bride's father accept a ransom of 1,000 bulls from him. They had a wedding and the newlyweds left. After some time they came to visit their father. The father hardly recognized his daughter, she had become so prettier. Many began to ask her what the secret of her transformation was. She answered the following: “I realized that I am worth 1000 bulls and even more.” The way we communicate with our partner can fuel their self-confidence, or vice versa. Therefore, it may be worth trying to behave with your partner as a person who has ALREADY achieved a lot. New heights will certainly be conquered. Third, let your partner stay in his “cave.” It happens that we really want to have influence on all areas of our partners’ lives. There can be many reasons for this: the desire for power, anxiety for a man and his attitude towards us, inability to organize one’s time. Therefore, we want to limit his own space, where we have no entry. This includes communication with friends, sports, a car, and a computer. However, at this moment we often underestimate the importance of our space for a man. Going into your “cave” gives a man the opportunity to cope with his emotions, disconnect from negative thoughts and simply relax, including from communicating with his beloved woman. And even understanding this, it can be difficult for us to leave this to a manright. The question arises as to why I should be at home while he is having fun. It is often difficult for us to “give the go-ahead” to a man without us for a while, because we, with the best intentions, sacrifice our interests, time and funds for the benefit of the family, and expect the same from a man. The fight begins. There are at least two options. The first is to overcome it and then both will sacrifice their interests and will be equally dissatisfied with life. The second is to give both yourself and your partner the right to your own space and hobbies. It is important that this is a mutual agreement, the partner recognizes our hobbies. To inspire a man, you need to be in a good, calm state. Be happy with your life with him. No matter how wonderful a partner is, there will always be something that doesn’t suit us. This prevents us from believing and inspiring him. I suggest you now continue the phrase: “It is important for me that (he)…”. The longer this list is, the better. It’s good if you get a list of 12-15 parameters. We all understand that it is impossible to do everything perfectly. You can wait indefinitely for the ideal man or until your partner “grows up” to the ideal, or you can move from fantasy to reality. There is an excellent joke on this topic: - All my life I have been looking for the ideal woman. - And How? - Found? - Yes, but she is looking for the ideal man. To move from idealization to reality, I suggest you distribute the items on the list into three groups of approximately equal size: “critical”, “desirable” and “not important”. Often you want to classify all points as “critical”, since everything is important. When you manage to distribute the items on your list into three groups, it will become clear what is really important to you. And these points (from the “critical” group) can and should be discussed with your partner and agreed on their implementation. The chances that these agreements will be fulfilled are greater than if we assume that the partner will immediately “master” the entire list. Then there will be fewer situations for mutual irritation and dissatisfaction, more opportunities for positive moments. In relationships, we are often faced with a choice: to be right or to be happy, to fight his habits or look for other ways, to step on the same rake or to bypass them. It is almost impossible to realize that you are right, to completely remake a person “for yourself.” Even if this works out, it will be a different person. Not the one we fell in love with at all. Therefore, it is wise to help yourself be happy instead of re-educating your partner. What options might there be? We can move the “rakes” out of the way and find a new storage place for them. Solve a recurring problem. One of my colleagues told this story. She recently started consulting via Skype and bought herself special headphones with a microphone. Her husband’s headphones broke; with the permission of a colleague, he began using her headphones. Often he left these headphones so that they fell to the floor and were almost stepped on. Each time this became a reason for a quarrel. This led to irritation for both. At some point, a colleague said: “Enough!”, and they went in together and bought new headphones. It turned out to be easy, and the situation itself was not a tragedy. “Stumbling” over this situation each time spoiled my mood, although it turned out that it was easy to fix it. You just need to take it and do it. I wish my partner did it. But here it is worth asking yourself the question: “Do I want this to continue or not?” You can suffer and wait, or you can take care of yourself and do it. There are situations that are difficult to cope with, since changes in the behavior of our loved ones are needed. To do this, you can take a strategic approach. It is about making the other person face the consequences of their actions (or inactions). One of my friends has a husband and three growing children, that is, three men and a daughter. For this woman, laundry was a source of irritation and frustration. She had to collect dirty socks from all over the apartment, straighten them, make pairs and wash them. This took a lot of effort and time..