You just can't understand your partner. It’s as if two different people live in it. One wonderful, affectionate, kind, loving you with the love you have always dreamed of. And the other is cold, cruel, absolutely unprincipled, treating you with contemptuous indifference. The question is: “How is this possible?” - It occurs to you at least three times a day... You are already tired of fruitless attempts to understand it. You may even have gone to a fortune teller and asked, “What’s going on in his head?” Because his actions demonstrate mutually exclusive motives for behavior. The worst thing is that physically you feel worse and worse. And morally - more and more insignificant. Your career is ruined because you have no time for work. All you have in your head is your loved one and another mystery of his behavior. Your relationship with your friends is deteriorating because they no longer have you. You are completely dissolved in your partner. Your health is deteriorating, you have no strength for anything. It’s as if you drank them drop by drop... You often find it difficult to breathe, you experience pain, heaviness, a viscous melancholy in your chest. You have digestive problems and are allergic to literally everything. If this picture is painfully familiar to you, as if copied from you, read on. I am writing to explain to you what is happening and to try to help. Unless, of course, you want help. What's going on with your partner? This is called hard splitting. Ego splitting (or simply splitting) is a psychological process related to psychological defense mechanisms that can be briefly described as thinking “in black and white,” in other words, in terms of the extremes of “good” or “bad.” , “omnipotent” or “helpless”, etc. This process occurs from a very early, preverbal period of the child’s development, when he is not yet able to perceive the world and especially the people who care about him, as voluminous, contradictory, and complex. And he divides everyone, starting with his mother, into “bad” and “good.” And he interacts at different times with different adults, sometimes loving, sometimes persecuting. This helps the baby to structure the world around him and navigate it. Then the child grows, matures, his psyche strengthens, and he learns to cope with the duality and inconsistency of the people around him, learns to love them both good and bad. And within himself he recognizes the existence of both good and evil. But there are situations of growing up in which the child cannot cope with this task. And the whole world, including himself, remains divided in two. Your partner really consists of two people. One is absolutely ideal (it is he who has such an irresistible attraction for you), and the other is the embodiment of evil. Most likely, his mother was exactly like that in childhood - contradictory, unpredictable, a master of “double messages.” (A double bind is a “stay there, come here” expression.) And the boy was completely absorbed by it, like an unsolvable riddle. He not only grows up to be a copy of his mother (the father simply does not fall into this close symbiosis), he will strengthen his duality in relations with a woman - because he knows that this is a “death hold”, and dreams of taking revenge on his mother, repaying her in the same coin . And in your mother’s place – you... And your fate is to be killed, destroyed, psychologically crushed. And you already feel that the result is not far off. How did you get into this terrible addiction? The thing is that your way of building relationships is also a merger. You are designed in such a way that to love means to dissolve in your partner. Is it true that you always forgot about yourself when you fell in love? Your world ceased to be yours, it became the world of your partner. And so, having dissolved into a rigidly split person, you have fallen into a deadly trap. This merger tears you in two and ultimately kills you. It is vital for you to learn to build relationships at a distance, preserving yourself, and building your boundaries. And for this you should use the help of a psychotherapist..