All people who come into this world ask God only two questions. Our children teach us this by asking us the same questions. And we find answers to them based on their own experience of relationships with their parental family and with God. All other questions can easily be attributed to these two: 1️⃣ Do you love me? 2️⃣ Can I do it my way? The logic is this: if you love me, then of course you will allow me to do my own thing, if you don’t love me, then what difference does it make what you think about it. In fact, there are four combinations of answers: 1️⃣ Yes I love you, you can do what you want! In a family, this may look like showering a child with gifts or a lack of punishment or boundaries. It seems that this is true love, but in reality it is an extremely unsafe environment. The child simply does not know what is good and what is bad, what is possible and what is not. Growing up, such a person also has no boundaries and principles - everything is possible for him and he will still be loved. Although, he may feel indifference on the part of his parents. Sometimes, children's bad behavior attracts attention to themselves. In a relationship with God, this behavior is called antinomianism or absence/denial of the law, we are under grace, why do we need rules) 2️⃣ No, I don’t like it, but you can do what you want! Unwanted children, unfortunately, are not uncommon in families. They didn’t have time to have an abortion, for example, or were afraid, but the child was born (thank God, I still believe that even the most wretched life is better than death). This is the most terrible option - soulless and soulless. Life in such a family is dangerous and full of humiliation. An adult who grew up here feels useless and often seeks support from gangster groups; girls seek approval and earn love through sex. For such a person, God, if there is one, will be so distant, cold and indifferent that there will not be many reasons to turn to Him. Parents often shift responsibility for upbringing in points 1 and 2 to nannies, grandmothers and institutions. 3️⃣ No, I don’t, you can’t do what you want! This is a tough system, raising children is a duty and a heavy burden. Lots of rules and harsh punishments. The result: cruelty and melancholy. There is no love and freedom of expression here, there is a ban on feelings. Children behave as their parents demand, learn not to be caught, and are hypocrites. They grow into unemotional lawyers, afraid to stumble. 4️⃣ Yes, I love you, but you can’t do anything! The most healthy approach that maintains a balance between support and frustration. There is a lot of love and clear boundaries, for violation of which there is a harmonious system of punishments. Children understand that they are loved no matter what and in spite of everything, but they know that there are rules and prohibitions. In their relationship with God, they are not afraid to repent and talk about their mistakes, because they know and feel that they are loved. But they will also try to fulfill His will, because they will understand that He wishes them well. It is still difficult for me to punish a child or refuse something; this is not an easy, but very important job. Children really can teach us a lot. I was able to redefine my relationship with God. Look through His eyes at the set of rules, the 10 commandments, for example, and the OT system of punishments. But that's a completely different story. Discussion in the comments 👇 The post was prepared based on Dan Allender’s book “How Children Raise Parents” Christian psychologist-consultant Galina Lozovskaya +7-929-101-33-94