From the author: ...reflections after one of the family consultations. One of the family consultations, like other others, began in the spirit of bickering from series “And he!” - “And she!” Each of this married couple then came to my office with a faint hope that I would influence my partner, correct him, “trick him up,” “fix him,” “repair him.” Well... It happens. that time our meeting ended with the couple’s decision to meet each other halfway. There was even some kind of romantic event planned for the evening. The well-over-aged husband and wife (both already retired) walked out with faith shining in their eyes, laughing a little and smiling warmly at each other. They had a plan with specific proposed actions to improve the relationship. It is, of course, not just about adding romance into life. What happened to them in reality? Don't know. They live far outside the city. They came exclusively for a single consultation - more out of despair than with great aspiration. I hope that some qualitative changes have occurred in their lives. To a certain extent, they still managed to agree on the possibilities of change. And the difficulties in the family were largely due to the fact that over decades of being together, mutual grievances accumulated year after year, little was done to change, and the strategy was to tolerate one partner and run away from problems from the other. The children have grown up and moved away, the stock of patience has run out, and there is nowhere to run. You can’t even hide from work anymore, because it simply doesn’t exist. So life became almost unbearable. The life of a man and a woman who over a long period of time became family and at the same time so infinitely distant. Then, during a consultation in my office, it was so difficult for them to see each other’s pain and the love hidden behind the grievances, the desire to be close to each other... These husbands and the wife gave themselves new chances. Let everything be fine with them! In old age, not every person retains sufficient flexibility of mind and freshness of perception. Not everyone has it at all. Therefore, it is sometimes incredibly difficult to see an objective picture and agree on something. Besides, the accumulated grievances will obscure the light... Why am I doing all this? Difficulties in the family between spouses do not arise suddenly, out of the blue, in the tenth year of marriage. What to do in such cases? Run away or endure? These actions provide only a temporary reprieve. To confront? If conflicts lead to effects opposite to those desired, then why? Agree? Usually it helps. If you know how to do it. But practice shows that not everyone knows how to come to an agreement. Some people don’t understand themselves, let alone their partners... Maybe we shouldn’t bring situations to the point where they seem hopeless? It makes sense to know that the younger you are, the more opportunities you often have to become aware and develop new strategies to make your life better. This, by the way, applies not only to relationships between people, but also to personal difficulties. Do you have psychological problems? Maybe see a psychologist? Related articles: I had no choice! What to do? He moved away!