Insidious codependencyCodependency is a relationship with fixation on another person. Codependency in adults occurs when two psychologically dependent people establish relationships with each other. In such relationships, everyone contributes part of what is necessary for him to create a psychologically complete or independent personality. Since neither can feel and act completely independently of the other, they tend to stick to each other as if glued to each other. As a result, everyone's attention is focused on the personality of the other, and not on oneself. Who are codependents? These are people who are characterized by a feeling of self-doubt and low self-esteem. The desire to receive love and increase the sense of self-worth is realized by showing “concern” for others. They are confident that another person will not love them simply for who they are; they believe that love must be earned. Codependents suffer no less than addicts. These people are busy controlling their entire life - theirs and their partner's. Codependents are not the kind of people who “let things happen.” Codependents are people who constantly and with a lot of effort and energy try to force things to happen. Codependents control in the name of love. Codependents do this because “we are only trying to help.” Codependents do this because “we know better.” how things should go and how people should behave." Codependents do this because codependents are right and "they" are wrong. Codependents control because they are afraid not to. Codependents do this because they don't know what else to do.Codependents do it to stop the pain.Codependents control because they think they have to.Codependents control because they don't think.Codependents control because controlling is all they can think of think. Ultimately, codependents can control because this is the path they usually take in resolving their issues. From this constant control, a person gets tired, becomes depressed, experiences anxiety, fear, and guilt. I quite often meet codependent clients. Either the husband is a drunken alcoholic, or a person comes with some kind of request, and in the course of work it turns out that he is from a family where one or both parents were addicted. As a rule, in such families there is excellent soil for nurturing a codependent person. When asked what you expect from therapy for yourself, a codependent person, as a rule, does not expect anything for himself. He wants to cure his partner, bring him to therapy, because... his partner, according to him, needs a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. When asked what you feel, such a client usually does not answer at all, because does not recognize his feelings, does not see himself separately from his “other half”. This is literally about the second half, because... I usually see a complete merging of the client with his partner. She (as a rule, women come to therapy) does not see herself, does not separate her needs from his needs, and considers herself capable of healing him. She constantly controls her husband. Sniffs, blames. If something happens to him while drunk, he drags him home or puts him in a clinic. To my question - why are you dragging? In response, a puzzled look. How else? Who will bear it besides me? At such moments, I feel great pity and compassion for the client. Such women are completely busy solving domestic and family problems - children, home and a drinking husband. Usually they are very strong: they carry the whole load of household chores without help or support. The husband does not take responsibility at all for his life and actions, or for his family and children. In addition, the topic of addiction is very shameful, condemned by others. Often women hide their problem from others (and often from themselves) as much as possible. When trust in the relationship with the therapist increases, the client begins to open up and talk more and more.