The issue of adultery worries many people. People can live in marriage for twenty years, raise children - and secretly, or even not very much, be afraid that betrayal will happen anyway. It is not a fact that this fear will be confirmed by facts. However, we must understand that suspicions have never improved relationships, and by imposing on a person the image of a cheater, we ourselves often push him to... to meet our expectations. And now there is a man who was going to live in a stable, strong marriage, but for N years he endured conversations like “No, tell me the truth, where have you been?”, “Why are you staring at her like that?” and “I somehow smell the smell of someone else’s perfume...”, - under a certain set of circumstances, he thinks: “Oh, I wasn’t... Was I jealous, suspected? So at least it’s not in vain...” In general, one’s own suspicions, fears and jealousy (you know, it can be fierce, to the point of panic attacks) are one of the main reasons for betrayal between spouses. Yes, yes, not a consequence, but a cause! The fact is that we all have such a structure in the psyche - beliefs. We need them to make it easier for us to interact with the world around us. So that you don’t have to consciously analyze information about what is happening now every time, but you can rely on some kind of universal knowledge. As a rule, beliefs do an excellent job of this function: the kettle may be hot, so you need to touch it carefully; the earth is round and it revolves around the sun; children need to be loved and supported, etc. But some beliefs frankly get in the way! For example: all people are bastards, all men walk to the left, and women are generally fools. The problem is that, having acquired a certain belief, we do not strive to verify its truth - we strive to confirm it with all our actions... And this happens automatically, on an unconscious level. Therefore, if you have the belief “everyone cheats” or “they will definitely cheat on me,” then one way or another it will be more difficult for your partner to maintain himself within the framework of a prosperous family life. If we talk about other reasons and driving mechanisms of betrayal, then here, of course, in the foreground is the quality of family relationships. Those who are more likely to cheat are those who are dissatisfied (overtly or secretly) with their marriage partner and relationship. What exactly you are dissatisfied with is the tenth thing. This may apply to sex (rarely, little, not the way you want) and communication (lack of respect, quarrels, inability to negotiate and/or spend time together positively). Cheating, in addition, can be an act of revenge. According to the principle “I was betrayed - and I betray.” It happens, of course, that this revenge is for something completely far from intimate matters. For example, a wife took out a loan without consulting her husband, he became angry with her... “And then it’s like a fog.” It is also important to take into account the family history of each of the partners, namely, infidelity in the basic parental families. Like many other things, people often inherit this point from their parents as part of their family life strategy. It will be very difficult for a child who grew up in a family where there was infidelity to take a different path. We are not saying impossible - everything is possible, but some things, as we know, are more difficult for us than others. But what to do if betrayal does occur? The first thing to consider: female infidelity is much less common than male infidelity, and causes irreparably greater harm to the family. After a man’s infidelity, having “got over” it, the family is often restored to a qualitatively new level. After a woman, something important in a relationship fades away forever. Yes, no gender equality for you and so on. Yes, biology, physiology, evolution, unconscious currents. And what to do. That’s why we warn against such a step for women who hesitate, seek revenge, etc.: there are things that always go wrong, and this is one of them. Second: betrayal always has causes and consequences. Most often, adultery in itself is not sufficient grounds for divorce. However, if it does occur, it is very important to understand where the failure occurs in your system and what needs to be fixed in it so that this does not happen in the future. You can do this yourself, in a frank