There is probably no parent who does not know how a child can try to manipulate parents to get what they want. A classic of the genre - children's tantrums in public places. I will give a clear example of what can often be observed when raising girls. A mother wants to raise a smart, pretty, calm, flexible, meek and efficient daughter. She communicates these values ​​to the girl, expecting her to behave in accordance with them. And the daughter... behaves exactly the opposite. From the outside, it seems that the child and his parents are constantly fighting. The way it is! The child cries and demands to buy a certain candy, the mother insists that she does not need it and is harmful. Stubbornness meets stubbornness. Ice meets fire. Sparks fly. And often the mother gives up, maybe not capitulates completely, but offers some option that will finally silence the little manipulator. For example, if you don’t calm down now, then we won’t go with you to watch the fireworks in the evening. Although fireworks is not an average example, the more common option is “you won’t get a tablet and won’t watch cartoons when you get home.” The more the mother “gets turned on”, the stronger her “attack” on the child, the more the child himself is prone to hysterics . Like begets like. Hence my first recommendation: if you don’t like how “hysterical” your child is, look at yourself and start by educating yourself. Reduce your negative feelings - then the child will reduce his own. Talk to your child the way you like I would like him to talk to you. Stop manipulating the child, and he will stop manipulating you. But how could you have acted differently in the example with the store that we gave? Let's look at it together. Firstly, you should first agree with yourself how you feel about such attacks from your child. Think about it: are there perfect people? If not, then why do you suddenly expect perfection from your child? Yes, your child has not yet mastered control over his desires to the same extent as you have. Understand, he really wants this candy now. The mistake is to deny his feelings and desires and say, for example, “No, you don’t want candy, you just want to ruin your mom’s mood.” The child does not want to melt you, he is simply acting the way he used to. Start by expressing understanding and acceptance of what he is experiencing. For example, say “I see that you liked this candy and you really want to try what it tastes like.” “It is important that you do not allow your child to “spoil” you with feelings. One of the reasons for problems with children's tantrums is that they force parents to relive their complexes, for example, to feel guilty about what people around them will think about their child. And children feel this and take advantage of your feelings, caused by your own complexes. Since we are talking about the internal problems of the parent himself, I propose to make a small digression on this topic. So, perhaps a protest arises within you when reading recommendations that you need to show your child how you understand and respect his feelings. – Why should I understand my family members, why do I need to respect and acknowledge their feelings, while I don’t get this from them? And who will understand and hear me? Maybe I’m already in over my head – I’ve been spinning all day like a squirrel in a wheel, and no one wants to understand or thank me?! Or, as an option: “Nobody raised me like that and nothing, I grew up and became a human being.” On the one hand, you, of course, grew up as a human being, and perhaps your life really is “no worse than others.” But on the other hand, are you happy in your life? It's never too late to stop, reconsider the way you live, and start living better. This is why there are psychologists who are ready to help you with this. Instead of dumping negativity on your child, husband, parents, friends and.