From the author: From the series “Conversation with Parents” I wonder when a person realizes that he is a parent? It seems logical to assume - as soon as he becomes one. So when do we become parents? This can and does not happen all at once with the birth of a child. There are people who realize and accept their parenthood long after the birth of the child. Some women note that awareness comes with the movement of the baby in the womb - “I am a mother...” Often this does not happen all at once, it is a process unfolding over time - “I am a parent.” I will say , that it begins from the moment when we recognize our parents as “not that kind of” parents - “But I won’t do that! I will be a good parent!” Protest. Denial of parents' experience. Formation of your own experience. Personal. The moment of differentiation - this is them, and this is I. They are like this, I am different. From the moment of protest, we recognize ourselves in the place of another, in the place of our parent, there is a desire to act differently from him (s), to treat differently to yourself - “I will be better!” This is the experience of regret that I got such parents and anger at them... This and vows of devotion to their (of course, not yet born) children... This happens in childhood. The first understanding of parenthood is associated with criticism of one’s own parents: “I will never abandon my children!” Naturally, there is experience of merging, and there is also experience of imitation. Imitation, the desire to be like mom (dad). How could he not be... But this is what will happen later, when I grow up, when I become an adult, I will have a family, I will raise children, take care, go to work..., now I feel good, and I pretend, imitating my mother (father), I play a role, I try it on myself simply in the image and likeness, doing as she (he) does, manipulating dolls, peers... This is no experience of getting used to a difficult, complex, sometimes contradictory situation. And these difficult, complex, confusing situations are scattered throughout life... Oh, yo... Do you remember how you first encountered a situation when you were not accepted like a child? When was the first time they didn’t give you way or space, didn’t smile, but on the contrary, frowned and made a demand for the first time? With the demand that you give way, make way for others... Do you remember your experiences? This is the moment when they saw in us not a baby, but recognized a strength, albeit small for now, but already a strength! And to this extent, a demand. It `s naturally. Naturally in the world of adults. This moment is usually remembered. It gets cut off on the nose. A sort of click on the nose. This is initiation - the moment of transition from childhood to the next period of development. And we either accept, move on to the next round of our personal development, or we remain a child, we begin to whine, whine... use children's methods, extorting what is due to the child .But they no longer see us as a child. When faced with such a situation, we get lost, then we get angry, angry at ourselves, at the situation, at the environment, at our parents, at the whole world! If you have not matured, if you are not ready to meet his requirements. Then, with some (to the extent of age, experience) reflection, “they are bad, I will be better,” and we take on a new role - our own, usually in contrast: he (s) - so, I am like that. This is when we also allow intermediate options into our experience, connecting the creativity and experience of the people around us, of humanity... Which is all that allows, taking into account not only the needs of oneself (selfishness), but also the needs of other people (altruism), balance them - which generates and affirms a feeling of adulthood for real, and not based on external signs of similarity. I remember how an experienced primary school teacher dealt with a similar situation. The situation in the lesson for preparatory class children is grade zero. Everyone sits decorously, importantly, at their desks, playing the role of good students - after all, they have already been told how to behave at school - a new place for them, many have the example of their older brothers, sisters, the desire to grow up quickly, to occupy their niche in the social world... One can’t stand it, gets up... Well, what can we take from him - a 6-year-old, a preschooler, brainstructures are still in the process of formation, they still have to mature and mature until conscious self-control is formed, according to the understanding of the social situation, volitional behavior based on self-regulation... Other “students” are in shock - how is this possible?! Someone also fidgeted - “I want that too!” The teacher calmly tells him: “Sasha, you go to another room for now, play there, and when you’re ready, join us, and we will continue our lesson... Guys...” she continued her lesson. She deftly coped with this difficult pedagogical task, paying attention to the child who had fallen out of the general process, responding to him in his condition, responding to his current need and turning to his own possible actualization, without pressure, but with expectation of it. And she supported her, as soon as he showed a desire to return to class. She addressed the children’s desire to be in the role of students. To their need to be big. Without punishing (and for what reason?!) those who fall out of this process, calmly regulating it. She organized a social game, a role-playing game, according to the age and level of psychological development of the children. She is a very experienced teacher. She worked on the finest nuances. I played up a difficult situation and turned it into an educational one for the whole class and the parents present. This situation is from my life. It happened in Samara, secondary school No. 144. Unfortunately, I won’t mention the teacher by name. My six-year-old daughter went to this preparatory class. Unfortunately, all of us, parents, have to solve these similar pedagogical problems, and solve them constantly. And naturally, flowers are replaced by berries, fruits... There is no time to relax. Life constantly throws up new tasks, challenges, and everything becomes more complicated. This is life itself. Why, unfortunately? – Because it’s difficult, difficult, difficult... It’s difficult because it’s increasing and constant, without vacations and days off. There is no time off from parenthood. Perhaps absenteeism... At the same time, this is interesting. When we accept our parenthood. And then this, fortunately. Surprisingly, in childhood we play, but do not have fun - we study, learn life, learn roles, develop life skills, learn, comprehend life in its depth and completeness (“Game is serious” A.S. . Spivakovskaya).With age, we seem to forget this and say: “Ah, childhood, the golden time...” Indeed, is organized school education a different matter, how can it be compared with the carefree preschool times?! I have to, I have to, I have to... I have to do this, I have to do that... And where and when do I WANT?! At the same time, in preschool education there are no vacations or vacations, the child spends the entire day in the institution, and if you take the younger groups, when do you even talk? then I haven’t really learned yet, not to mention the awareness of my needs and their free expression, the skills of caring for myself... But this is an exile, without the right of return, of appeal, no less! But in ideas it’s like this - a happy time - carefree, continuous I WANT...We learn with horror and shudder about cases of pedophiles working in kindergartens...In the memories it is already somewhat different. With special efforts, in psychotherapy, for example, we can remember quite painful moments, and if we try hard, we can pull out from the depths of the unconscious, completely repressed at one time and reliably stored there, a traumatic experience, and more than one... This is ours personal experience... After all, it shapes and supports our personal attitude towards children, and towards childhood, and towards ourselves, and towards parents, and towards parenthood, as part of our life, in particular. When it is realized, lived, accepted, integrated, then everything is fine. Hello, I’m a parent... Let’s get acquainted, tell us about yourself? October 20 from 19:00 In the “Creative Space “0+” in the “Cafe for Parents” we will gather for free dialogue, conversation, exchange of opinions about the lives of adults and children in one space - the space of the family. Let's talk, remember our time of adolescence, girlhood, childhood, awaken those feelings, experiences, thoughts... and discuss the possibilities from a combined position - the current situation, ideas about cooperation and memory of those times. Address.