Children's whims I think that every person, even those who have never had children, has seen how little children are capricious. A screaming baby in a store who doesn’t want to leave without a coveted purchase, a stubborn little guy on the street who can’t be moved by any persuasion, a creature sobbing like hell that is literally dragged down the street by an angry or almost crying mother. The parents themselves helplessly throw up their hands and admit: “I don’t know what to do! Just yesterday my son was such a wonderful child, obedient, flexible... and today: I ask you to give me your hand, but he doesn’t want it! Let me help you fasten it myself! And what’s wrong, I immediately scream!”; “I just can’t imagine what’s happening! In the garden they tell me an angelic child. And at home it’s just a nightmare! Anything wrong - he immediately throws himself on the floor, we can’t calm him down, he can scream for hours, fight... What’s happening?” Whims are an integral manifestation of any childhood and these are the child’s messages to the people around him, to the world. Not taking this into account when communicating with a child means ignoring a significant part of his actual needs. To read these messages, you need to understand the reasons for children's whims. One of the reasons may be: fatigue, heat, uncomfortable clothing, hunger, or an incipient somatic illness. It is difficult for a child to say all this in words (especially if we are talking about a child under three years old), but will demonstrate the discomfort he experiences in the form of behavioral changes. Whenever a child suddenly starts acting up, you should carefully monitor the state of his health, and also see if he has comfortable clothes, shoes, is dressed for the weather, etc. For example, a child may be capricious because he is hot, his shoes are too tight or his clothes are uncomfortable. The baby can be capricious even when he is simply tired. In this case, you can tell him something like this: “I understand very well that you are tired, and I really sympathize with you. But it’s still a block away from home, and we don’t have a stroller. So you'll have to go as you went. I'm sure you can get there." If the child, having interrupted the whining, wants to make some additions, listen to him carefully and do not mind if he talks about his condition, because he knows better what he is experiencing. In the life of a small child there is a lot to understand and master, and where for an adult “one block” can be “a long road” for a child. To understand your child more and for him to understand himself, teach your child to express his feelings in words, not in whims. There is only one way for this - parents themselves must talk about their feelings in the presence of the child. Already a three-year-old child, accustomed to listening to himself and not meeting any objections in describing his feelings, may well say: “I’m very angry now! You said that there is just a little left, but we keep going and going...” This is the beginning of an understanding of the differences and the beginning of a dialogue. Sometimes people mistake for whims... ordinary research interest. For example, a study of parents’ reactions, which a child usually undertakes in the third year of life: “Can’t go here? And I'll go... I wonder what mom will do? He swears... And I'll go again. So what will happen then? Yeah, he's dragging. Then I’ll break free and go again... Ay-ay-ay! That’s probably enough...” And so many times a day, for a variety of reasons. Terribly tiring! But these are not whims. This is research. Children are very smart and observant, so some research can be borrowed from others (imitation). For example, a child sees a cute little girl or a charming boy in a store, stomping his feet and screaming loudly, demanding candy or a car. His mother refuses at first, and then buys what she wants, then why not try this with your mother. Don't tell your child anything you don't intend to do. If a child is acting up in a store and you tell him that if he doesn't stop, you will leave immediately, then be prepared to keep your promise. But if you are not ready to comply, then don’t say it at all! If the parents are firm and consistent, then the childwill get used to all the diversity of your reactions, and will have a fairly clear idea of ​​what you can and cannot allow yourself to do in communication with mom, dad, grandma... Explain to the child what he is not allowed to do at all times (this concerns the child’s safety - take lighters, touch glass, etc.). The child will have to master other things gradually, but there should be “possible” for “not allowed.” For example, playing with a ball, running, or shouting loudly in an apartment is not allowed, but on the street it is possible; You can’t draw on wallpaper or in your older brother’s schoolchildren’s notebook, but you can on a newspaper or a piece of paper. Manifestation of independence. The increased needs of a three-year-old child can no longer be satisfied by the old style of communication with him, the old way of life. Classic “I myself!” Doesn't know how to eat cleanly, but reaches for a spoon. He tries to tie his shoelaces himself, then the whole family spends the evening untangling them. He persistently puts his shoes on the wrong feet and is so eager to go to kindergarten. When trying to correct the situation, he gets angry and screams. These are not whims either. At 3 years old, children already expect recognition, independence and independence from their family. For a child, the experience of independence gives the right to conclude: “Look how I can do this!” I'm big!" In these cases, it makes sense to first praise the child for his desire for independence and note his obvious achievements (“What a great fellow you are, you put on your shoes yourself!”), and then inform that to end the situation it is necessary to do something else (Everyone the shoe loves its foot! Let's change it, and the feet will walk beautifully! Let's see how Masha's doll is wearing her shoes?) Wise adults allow the child to experiment in safe situations, controlling not so much the baby's actions as the space around him. They allow you to taste the food with a spoon, but the knife is removed; you are allowed to crawl under the table, but they will help you lower your head so as not to hurt yourself. Kids need to feel like they are considered. Therefore, try to give them the opportunity to choose more often. It is unrealistic to ask a three-year-old child: “What would he like to eat for lunch?” Your child will definitely want cookies, jam, ice cream and sweets for lunch! And asking which soup he would prefer - milk or vegetable - is quite acceptable. Draw attention to yourself. It has long been noted that a child so needs a parent’s reaction to his actions that he prefers a negative reaction than none. He is simply looking for manifestations of your love, even in very strange ways! “I sit alone for so long, and stack cubes, and put cars in the garage, and no one notices it. Dad is reading the newspaper, mom is in the kitchen, grandma is watching TV. And I’ll jump on the sofa (tear my dad’s book, throw things around, etc.) and they’ll all come running and notice me!” Often the cause of children's capriciousness can be various types of upbringing disorders in the family. In this case, the child’s message can be read as follows: “I need to be treated differently!” The most common types of violations in the upbringing of preschoolers are permissive (hyperprotective), where the child practically does not know the word “No”, and prohibitive (hypoprotective), for whom everything is prohibited. Particularly disastrous for a child’s balance is the combination of both violations (for example, parents raise them in strictness, but their grandmother allows absolutely everything). In different families, children adapt quite easily to existing rules if these rules are uniform and supported by all family members. And where no one dares to take a spoon until grandfather has started eating, and where everyone at any time eats with their hands from a large saucepan that is always on the table, a calm, emotionally stable child may well grow up. But if mom allows something, but dad categorically forbids the same thing, and for grandma it all depends on her state of health, and for grandpa it depends on her mood, and all this relates to one thing, for example, whether you can jump on the sofa... It is precisely this “diversity” that children often protest against, being capricious. In a family where there are many people and several.