Article by respected colleague Olga Kesler “Can a person change? - Yes, he can!” caused reflections on the topic: under what conditions can a person change and what exactly can he change in himself? If a person lives comfortably, harmoniously externally and internally, he is unlikely to want to change anything. This is not required when a person feels good, he feels free, nothing interferes with his development and the fulfillment of desires and plans. However, it happens that a person feels comfortable in a very uncomfortable environment (“And in prison now they give pasta...” ) out of habit, and, most importantly, he does not see an alternative. Other ways of existence are unfamiliar to him, even frightening, or the person believes that they are not for him. The client describes the antisocial neighbors she had as a child, screaming, fighting behind the wall. I assume that this is a source of traumatization, but the client explains: this was the norm. Parents behaved the same way. Sometimes a person lives in a state of freezing or a frozen state: “It’s all the same whether it’s will or whether it’s captivity.” The child adopted this survival strategy at an early age; it once helped him, perhaps saved his life. Now, as an adult, leaving the usual “comfort zone” is accompanied by strong feelings of danger and fear. This option, as a rule, is associated with depression, and volitional impulses tend to zero. Therefore, change is very difficult. When does it become possible? When a person has suffered long and deeply, spiritually or physically, he may be ripe for change. He just can't be in this state anymore. It can often be observed that the client needs to reach an extreme degree of suffering in order to allow himself to change his attitudes, for example, the following: I am in great debt to my mother, my life is not enough to give him away, I must be good for everyone, help everyone, my interests are not important. It seems that a high degree of suffering a person deserves the right to violate parental guidelines. In this case, I really want to tell people: it is not necessary to go to extremes, because there is psychological help. Sometimes a client comes to a psychologist as if for permission to live differently and exhales with relief, as if he had received an indulgence. A person may want changes when he is faced with the prospect of losing a relationship that is dear to him. He has to choose: either change his reactions and behavior, or the person significant to him will leave him. Sometimes he becomes aware of his limiting attitudes, which prevent him from achieving success in his favorite activity, in personal development. And a person chooses to work on himself. It happens that someone’s example inspires. For example, a woman observes changes in a colleague at work who visits a psychologist. And she also wants such impressive changes. So what changes in the process of internal work with or without a psychologist? And what remains the same? Basic personality characteristics, such as temperament, inclinations and talents, individual characteristics inherent in this particular person do not change. They can become brighter, more manifested, because... In the process of therapy, a person more and more allows himself to be himself. Therapeutic work is aimed at clearing out and changing the layers of other people’s attitudes, beliefs, prescriptions and errors of children’s perception. Most often they are transmitted from parents, close relatives, and the family as a whole. Kindergarten, school, and the company of peers have a great influence on the idea of ​​oneself and the world. Installations can also be transgenerational in nature. These settings are considered critically from the point of view of benefit or harm to a given individual. You can leave them or limit their effect, or you can refuse them. The client decides for himself what to do with the attitudes. For example, a person, due to his childhood history, is in constant tension and readiness to defend himself. He is at war with the world around him and wonders why the world is hostile to him and people avoid him. During therapy, the reasons become clearer