Children's Day is a good holiday. But I really want such a holiday to appear as Parents’ Day. No, of course, we have Parents’ Day. The day when children visit their parents. At the cemetery. I’m still more in favor of a more positive day. From whom or what is protection? Yes, maybe not from anyone or anything specific (although the topic of YuYu frayed the nerves of almost everyone), but just a day when parents would be remembered in a positive way, when everyone would understand that whatever parent he is, he is a parent. That he is a living person, with his own experiences, emotions, past, present, future. A parent may be tired, may be offended, may be confused, has the right to make a mistake, to have his own point of view, what is good for his child, what is good for two or three of them. That parents are different in their worldview, culture, religious and national views. That the parent also needs support, advice, help. Help, not criticism and fear of losing your family. Why am I doing all this? Are our parents in such a degraded position? Don't they have rights? As a citizen of his country - yes. As a parent... Even if these rights exist, they are little discussed and little talked about. What does a parent mostly hear addressed to them? That if something is wrong with his child, then he, as a parent, is doing something wrong. That children of good parents do not behave this way. And if the children behave correctly, then again some people wonder, how did this happen? Doesn’t the parent punish and discipline their children in such a way that it humiliates their personal dignity? They walk too smoothly. I am a parent myself, and a psychologist by training. I knew enough about child development, the peculiarities of age-related crises, how it should be and how it should be done. Only when God gave me two children did I often begin to use one phrase: “While I didn’t have children of my own, I was also very smart.” I am now faced with the fact that no matter how smart everything is written everywhere, it doesn’t always work . That now someone wants to make upbringing in a family the same in terms of conditions and views. There is some kind of unspoken standard about how it should be. But this “should be” cannot work in all countries and at all levels of population in those countries. There is a lot of theory about how to educate, punish, and more often not even punish, develop, etc. And few people care that this does not coincide with the views of some parents in another country, in another culture, with other religious views. On the Internet, in magazines, in books they write how it should be, but if it doesn’t work... That means you, the parent, are doing something wrong. Maybe, but few people will help you see, help, suggest, support. Only advice: “Don’t do this, don’t say that, don’t hit him on the butt, don’t make him feel guilty, don’t raise your voice. This is how you humiliate a person, the child develops so poorly, this limits him too much, it does not allow his individuality to reveal itself. You yourself It’s your fault, you’ve lost your authority, and that’s because you and your husband have problems, but he’s following your example, and you’ve already tried everything else, but it didn’t work again? ".What kind of parental authority can we talk about if the parent is no longer confident in himself? Since he was raised - this is now not correct, this is violence, this does not allow the child’s personality to fully reveal itself. He doesn't know how to do anything new. He needs time to learn. Who does he study? On your own children. It turns out? Not always, since old parental attitudes and experiences taken from their parents somehow come out. And this also takes into account the fact that in fact most new ideas about education have a lot of side effects and disadvantages. But few people talk about this. Few people think about this. And what has been worked out for centuries in the family system is outdated, it is house-building, it does not meet the conditions of a democratic society, etc. So the parent rushes from one extreme to another and, like a diligent student, tries to complya high bar set by him or someone else. He is afraid of not matching up, of being let down, of being raised wrong, of looking wrong, of being “shaked” wrong. As a result, it will soon be possible to introduce new concepts such as “parental neurosis” and “post-educational depression.” I managed to be born in the USSR. At that time there was something like a dogma: “The parent is always right.” Now, 25 years later, the dogma has changed radically: “The child is always right.” From the undiscussed authority of the parents, the pendulum swung with the same force in the opposite direction. The child is right, if he is wrong, the parent is still to blame. He’s not like that... Well, we’ve already discussed this. It’s more fun than anything for my generation. First, we needed to grow to the level of adults, so that they would take us into account, listen to us, we had to live and see, dry the milk on our lips, give birth to our own, and then become smart. We obediently completed all this and were faced with the fact that we were again extreme. Now all the difficulties of parenting occur solely through the fault and oversight of the parent. The parent is responsible for the mistakes of his own child in the past, present and future. I don’t want to remove responsibility for parenting from parents. I agree that “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” Parents really have an excellent opportunity to influence the formation of the character of their child, to set the tone for his worldview and attitude, but only to set, influence, but not determine 100%. This has already been proven many times in practice, albeit as an exception. A child from a dysfunctional family became a prosperous citizen. A child from a prosperous family gets involved with bad company and ends up unsuccessful. And such exceptions are enough to turn the whole dogma upside down. In general, not everything is so simple. But one thing is true. The parent is taller than the child. The parent is more experienced than the child. Even if this experience is negative, there is actually more experience. A parent has the right to demand appropriate treatment, and not to deserve it from his child. After all, there is a commandment about honoring the parent, not honoring the child. You won't learn to lead if you don't learn to obey. But what about the wisdom of the ages? He who is beaten by life will achieve more. He who eats a pound of salt appreciates honey more. He who shed tears laughs sincerely. He who died knows that he lives! Omar Khayyam And it’s time for parents to remember this and take care not only of their children, but also of their loved ones. Maybe it’s already enough to rush from one extreme to another and challenge or elevate someone’s authority. In some ways the parent is right, in some ways the child is right. Somewhere the parent made a mistake, somewhere the child relaxed. On the other hand, if a parent, through his actions, allegedly “generated” a certain attitude towards himself, then why not also think about the children? What did they do that the adult reacted this way and not differently? If there is a fantasy to share authority, then let there be a desire to share responsibility. But will the children take her away? We will always be missing something. Envious eyes and raking hands - this is not only about material things. There's never enough for us. We always want to shift responsibility onto someone else. “Mom is not like that, dad hurt me.” But isn't this a child's reaction? At 5 years old this is normal, but at 20, 30, 40? We are actually in some kind of total infantilization. Everyone seems to have grown up, but when we start communicating, you catch yourself thinking that you’ve already heard this somewhere. I heard in kindergarten when Valechka complained about her mother. Or in the 5th grade when the neighbor on the desk muttered under his breath that the shoelaces were again in the glass, which meant that freedom would be limited. And in the end you hear this nonsense from an adult woman or a healthy man whose old age is staring him in the eye. What about parental solidarity? Yes! We need to make a day for parents (alive, not in a cemetery) and call it a day of parental solidarity. A day when parents support each other, and do not show off their teaching abilities in front of each other. When parents wish each other patience, love, support each other’s authority in front of their children, their own and others. When younger parents call their.