Addiction to hatred. There is a well-known expression: “hatred is the other side of love.” What does it mean? Psychologists sometimes encounter a situation where a person says that he hates someone close to him and at the same time cannot part with negative feelings. For example, a woman is angry with her husband, who left for another, left her with a small child, and this anger can last for years. The woman does not want to let herself go from this relationship. The purpose of this article is to understand the meaning of hatred in relationships between people. Here is a case from practice. A woman came to see me and complained about her mother. According to the client, her mother humiliated her in every possible way, called her names, and considered her unfit for anything: neither for home nor for work. A woman came to my sessions and cried, cried, cried... Deep down in her soul she understood that her mother was wrong, but some part of her agreed with her mother’s assessments, the client believed that her life was over, she would never have no husband, no interesting job. She did nothing to change the situation, was apathetic, and considered herself incapable of anything. An adult woman, she was completely dependent on her mother financially and psychologically (on her assessments, her attitude), in other words, she was in a pathological fusion with her mother. However, after some time, as a result of our work, the client developed strong feelings - irritation and anger in relation to the mother. She began to separate herself from the family and realized that her mother was doing wrong when she humiliated her. The woman now has the desire and strength to defend her right to life the way she wants. Strong conflicts began with my mother. Over time, the mother retreated. This example shows the role of aggressive feelings in separation from the object of fusion. Another example. Many of us are familiar with a scene from childhood: a boy likes a girl, but he says nasty things about her, is rude to her, and pulls her hair. He is angry with himself for his tenderness, his attraction to her. He is afraid to express his feelings differently because he does not know how the girl will react to him, and what his friends will say. Here, aggressive actions express affection, mask falling in love and, perhaps, irritation with oneself for this feeling. Something similar happens in couples who loved a friend, and then for some reason decided to separate. The feelings have not yet cooled down, but have changed their sign from plus to minus. And the stronger the plus was, the stronger the minus could be. They are still attached to each other, they have many pleasant memories, but they are angry at themselves for these memories and hate the other for still loving him. This example shows how hatred can mask love and sympathy. Another example of hatred is aggressive relationships between people who share property or an object of affection. This could be an apartment or a beloved man. As a rule, competing people experience very strong feelings of irritation, contempt, and anger. Here one can observe the mobilizing function of hatred, its energy potential. In order to win the competition, you need to spend a lot of effort. Thus, we can talk about another function of hatred - the mobilization of energy. These examples show the meaning of hatred (irritation, aggression, anger) in relationships, this is: - separation from the object of affection (exit from addiction); - disguise of infatuation, love; - mobilization of energy in the competition for an object of property or affection. Therefore, negative feelings play a big role in interpersonal relationships: they protect, mobilize, give impetus to change and development. However, psychologists often people who are “stuck” on negative feelings: irritation, aggression. They cannot or do not want to part with these feelings. There is an attachment to the object of hatred, or rather to one’s negative feelings. Constantly attributing bad qualities to the object of hatred, accusing him of unseemly actions, these people cannot look at the situation and the person differently. Thus, they.