From the author: The reason for a child’s quarrel can be a mere trifle, all parents raising two or more children know this. Family and child psychologist Lyudmila Ovsyanik told the portal www.interfax.by about why brothers and sisters quarrel and when adults should not interfere in their conflicts. Two backgrounds of conflicts. The basis of all conflicts between children in the family is competition and jealousy. For every child, mom and dad are extremely important. And if a brother or sister takes away parental attention, the child has a desire to remove the “competitor” or punish him. By competing with each other, children learn to lead and obey, defend their point of view and negotiate; this is their school of life. Siblings (as brothers and sisters are called) are in a psychologically more advantageous situation than the only child in the family, since they gain a wealth of experience in relationships and conflict resolution. Parental business is a side. Adults should interfere in children’s squabbles only if there is a conflict between “competitors.” “A fierce struggle literally unfolded and a threat to their health and life arose. The fighters must be forcibly separated and, without finding out who is right and who is wrong, taken to different rooms or corners. In other cases, it is better for parents to remain neutral so as not to aggravate children's jealousy. Children, in the heat of a quarrel, began to fight or make too much noise - they scolded and punished both. The older one hit the younger one, the younger one bit the older one - under no circumstances should you scold the “bully” or feel sorry for the “victim,” but give them the opportunity to resolve the misunderstanding themselves. Then, when the children calm down (and they are great at doing this without adult intervention), with the help of toys or objects you can play out the conflict situation and ways to peacefully get out of it. Prevention of “useless” and destructive conflicts. For parents interested in their children did not quarrel over insignificant reasons and could extract useful experience from conflicts, psychologist Lyudmila Ovsyanik recommends: Provide each child with personal space in the house. In order for children to learn to protect their boundaries and respect others, care should be taken to ensure that each “offspring” has his own room or at least his own closed corner (for example, fenced off by a closet or ceiling curtain). Demonstrate a constructive model of behavior in conflict situations. Children unconsciously adopt their behavior and method of resolving conflicts from their parents. How do dad and mom behave when they're angry? Let adults look at themselves from the outside and learn to find compromises and defend their interests without infringing on the interests of others. Teach children how to “redirect” anger. A child who is very angry needs to be taught to let off steam at inanimate objects. For example, you can offer him: to beat a punching bag or a soft toy; finely tear a newspaper; pat balloons; shout loudly while looking at yourself in the mirror; do push-ups, jump; throw darts at the target; dance to loud music. Fun games help to establish family harmony. to relieve tension: “Fishes in hats.” Meaningless combinations of words often cause amusement; the players' task is to come up with dialogues with logical gobbledygook. For example, mom says: “Today we have fish in hats for breakfast.” The child answers in the same spirit: “And for lunch we will have eggs in our boots.” Mom plays along: “And for dinner we’ll make sandwiches with irons.” “Batogi.” To play you will need two tubes made of thin foam plastic, 70 cm long and 4-5 cm in diameter. “Playing sticks” can also be made from foam rubber: roll it into tubes and put on homemade covers on top, preferably red. Players must fence and fight with “sticks” ", observing the following rules: the one who was hit freezes; the hitter says: “Sorry,” the victim replies: “Sorry,” and the game continues. The duration of one session is approximately 10 minutes. The game develops self-control in children, teaches them to respect boundaries,.