From the author: Instead of empty talk, punishments and reminders, it is better to take a friendly step towards the child. Every parent is convinced that he loves his child, but not everyone shows their love obviously so that the baby feels it. For example, a child does not feel our warmth or tenderness when we wash his hair or force him to eat unloved, boring semolina porridge. And the child himself often evokes not love in an adult, but annoyance, irritation, impatience and regret, “after all, he does everything necessary for the good of his child, but he does not understand...”. Moreover, these feelings unconsciously manifest themselves more dramatically and convincingly compared to the manifestation of love and tenderness. Naturally, in response to such actions of the parent, the child certainly becomes angry and unkind. The manifestation of love lies not only in words, but also in our voice, smile, soft touches, gestures, in a compliment, in the ability and desire to listen and hear the child and, of course, in acceptance with all its “pros” and “cons.” You can consider different situations. If aggressiveness appears in a child at two or three years old, he takes it out directly on the parent. It manifests itself in crying, screaming, and disobedience. Some children may also show physical aggression - hitting their offender. Many experts in the field of psychology and pedagogy consider this manifestation of aggression to be completely normal. Of course, if a child is too spoiled or caressed in the first years of life, his mental development slows down, and then any changes in the parent’s attitude towards him causes protest and aggression, which he splashes out on the elder. If protest and indignation (aggressive reactions) are constantly suppressed, then accumulate and manifest themselves in adulthood, acquiring other forms. American child psychologist-psychotherapist and psychiatrist Allan Fromm calls this phenomenon “transference”; this is one of the usual signs of aggressiveness. For example, a child, whose mother forces him to go to bed, abruptly throws a teddy bear into a corner or kicks a kitten that turns up. He is afraid to openly pour out his dissatisfaction on his mother and therefore “transfers” his anger and irritation to another, harmless object. Growing up, this habit becomes a character trait, which is one of the reasons for the suffering of the person himself and his environment. Often children openly show their indignation to their parents, and then worry about what they have done. The fact is that we were raised and, unfortunately, parents now continue to raise their children on feelings of guilt and shame, and this is a direct road to the development of humiliation and self-depreciation, aggressiveness and self-aggression, and all its derivatives. An adult has more opportunities, and since childhood, a child has been instilled with respect for him, even if the parent is despotic. A child becomes upset if he openly expresses his indignation, because he “risks losing the love of his parent and receiving rejection in return.” Often these thoughts haunt him, and he worries excessively. A vicious circle arises, and in order to get out of it, the child will now direct his aggression to other objects. He learned well that his mother should not be offended or upset. Therefore, he “tries to behave well” in order to be a diligent boy (girl), and for this the child has to constantly suppress his negative feelings. But, having come to kindergarten or school, he begins to spill out negativity towards the teacher or teacher, who is “representatives of a bad mother.” A wise adult will try to deal with such a situation and what is hiding behind such behavior of the child, and then reorient it into something else, into something productive. Reorientation is both a strict and kind approach to a child’s behavior, which assigns full responsibility for actions and actions. It is based on mutual respect between parents (adults) and children. It is a way of life that is all about creating situations where there are no losers. When a child feels cared for andsafety, and the fact that the adult does not seek to “break” him or subjugate him to his will, he tries to be independent and tries to find a reasonable way out of the situation. At the same time, the child himself shows respect, is ready to help the parent, and also learns to manage his aggression and direct it in the “right direction.” Approximately the same strategies are suitable for “treating” aggression as for preventing it. We must not forget that “a kind word is also pleasant for a cat,” so it has a magical effect on a child, i.e. can relieve his anger and tension. What to do if a child shows aggression... Refuse harsh punishments, because they create fear in the child. Severe punishments break a child: he becomes very compliant, or very stubborn, often vindictive, and aggressive. Side effects based on feelings of fear, guilt, resentment, rejection, which are destructive, strengthen the belief that evil and aggression are winning in the world. Punishment makes the child distrustful and encourages him to hide his mistakes, because... he is afraid to take responsibility for them. If a child's outbursts of aggression are minor, he can completely ignore the act of inappropriate behavior. To do this you need to be patient. Next time the child will need much less time to calm down. You can also use the technique of switching his attention to another type of activity or an interesting object. Try to define the child’s behavior positively: “You are capricious because you are tired...”. “You’re angry that this time you didn’t cope with the task...” Instead of despairing and reproaching the child for aggressive behavior or disobedience, it is better to express your disappointment: “What a pity that you made a mistake (mistaken) and did the wrong thing, because and now I’m upset about it.” We teach you to pay attention to feelings and emotions, i.e. control and manage them. At the same time, good, calm parent-child relationships are established, the child’s inconsistency, disagreement, and anger are reduced. It makes no sense to ensure that the child does not feel aggression - this is impossible. An adult needs to help the child express what he feels, what he is going through: “Of course, you are offended...”, “It probably seems to you that the whole world is against you...”, “You are ashamed of this act, and it seems to you that your classmate is not will forgive you...” It is important to help the child get rid of emotional stress and maintain contact with his feelings. Establishing feedback with the child reduces the level of aggression: “You are behaving aggressively” (statement of fact). “Are you annoyed?”, “Do you feel offended?” (statative question). “Are you trying to get me out of patience?” “Do you want to make me angry?” (we reveal the motive for aggressive behavior). “I feel offended when people shout at me...” (indicating one’s feelings towards inappropriate behavior from the I-message perspective). “After all, you and I agreed...”, “You and I entered into an agreement...” (return to the established rules). At the same time, good, calm parent-child relationships are established, the child’s inconsistency, disagreement, and anger are reduced. Mandatory control of one’s own negative emotions! Like a child, an adult also experiences a kaleidoscope of negative feelings and emotions when faced with aggression, including childhood aggression: fear, irritation, anger, helplessness. We must remember that these feelings are natural and are a response to negativity. By managing them, the parent demonstrates models of interaction with an aggressive person, teaches the child, consolidating a friendly relationship with him. In any situation, statements should not be allowed: “If you are capricious, we will not love you...”, “If you behave this way, we will send you to a boarding school.” (orphanage...)" (such blackmail increases fear, anxiety, feeling of rejection and uselessness, which leads to anger and self-depreciation) / It can be noted that walking together (not only shopping), watching cartoons, playing with a child, running errands, sports sections and humor also reduce children's.