Each of us wants to choose the right man - a betrothed, ideally - one for life. But how to do this if meeting and getting to know your partner requires a sufficient amount of time and effort (usually several months)? But what if there are several contenders for your hand and heart? It is not possible to build deep relationships with several partners at once! And if you use the “brute force” method, then the right person may simply leave while you are meeting with the next “candidate.” Another important point is the basis on which you make your choice of a future partner. The only positive thing can be the choice of the soul. “If a person makes the right choice, then in the person of another person he always finds good luck. If the choice is made incorrectly, then the other person brings him misfortune.” (A. Meneghetti) Personal and family relationships are a “contract” with another person, which presupposes interdependence at the existential, legal and economic levels. However, in most cases, the choice occurs under the influence of personal complexes, family and/or social stereotypes, which and sets the “parameters” of the partner (what he should be). Often a woman enters into a love relationship with an unsuitable or unworthy man, which leads to degradation (destruction) of her personality and the personality of her partner. Such a relationship will be unprofitable for both. The responsibility for this lies with the woman, since the man idealizes and fears the sacredness of her inner world. He dares to approach only if the woman gives him permission on an unconscious level. The reason for the false choice is that a woman initially stands in a position of her own inferiority, choosing a subordinate position in a relationship with a man, while trying to manipulate him or consolidate her “ownership” of him and her exclusivity. By what criteria can you choose a suitable and worthy person? This may seem incredible to you, but practically from the first meeting you can determine how positive the relationship with a man will be and what can be expected from them in principle. If choosing “your” partner is important to you, then the test below will help you, from which you need to choose the most appropriate statement. Remember what (and where) you felt when you first saw your partner and during the very first period of meeting and communicating with him?1. I don’t know, I didn’t feel anything, but, oddly enough, we dated for a long time (we are still dating). 2. I saw that he somehow settled in my imagination, and no matter what I began to imagine after that, either he himself, or some of his features, one way or another reminiscent of him, appeared before me. 3. I felt his presence in my emotions, from the very beginning he scared (surprised, shocked, made me laugh, etc.) me, and every time I remembered or saw him, this experience returned to me. 4. I realized that he is now always with me. I realized that he is now in me, in my ideas, as a kind of 'inner eye', as constantly present and observing me and everything that happens in my life. No matter what I did or where I was, I always felt his gaze on me, from which it was impossible to hide, which was impossible to forget. 5. I felt it not even close, but right under my skin, as if it was spread under it like something fluid. 6. I felt as if he was enveloping me from all sides, and I was inside him, included in him. 7. I felt him as if he were under my breasts and touching them (touching my skin on my stomach, etc.). 8. I felt as if something was forcing me to look only below his belt. This is a very strange feeling that is associated only with him. I don't usually look at men like that. 9. I felt him somewhere there, at a distance, as if there was a distance between us, a kind of exclusion zone, and either I had to get closer to him every time, or thishe must do. 10. I perceived him as a pleasant person with whom it is pleasant to communicate, to be around, he is not boring and you can spend time with him. 11. I felt that he was all here, right in front of me, that this was a very important moment in my life, that I needed to make a choice right now. 12. I felt it in everything. I felt free, and yet, wherever I went and whatever I did, he was everywhere. Key to the test1. I don’t know, I didn’t feel anything, but, oddly enough, we dated for a long time (we are still dating). If you felt something like this, then your partner, completely unnoticed by you, penetrated into your unconscious and took root there. Most likely, he received clear advantages, became more energetic, self-confident, while you completely lost your independence and became like a remote-controlled robot, the remote control of which is in his hands. Your partner has activated your unconscious sacrifice complex, and you have no choice but to selflessly serve him. Involuntarily using such access to the complexes of your unconscious, your partner, as it were, programs your behavior and your life as a whole in complete contradiction with your own vital needs. As a result, you suffer total damage and, in a psychological sense, find yourself in a very dangerous situation that threatens your mental health and life in general. If we talk about your partner, then, most likely, he is distinguished by excessive attention to himself, excessive categoricalness and conceit, self-confident superiority, stubbornness and complete intractability. 2. I saw that he somehow settled in my imagination, and no matter what I began to imagine after that, either he himself, or some of his features, one way or another reminiscent of him, appeared before me. Such ideas indicate your passivity, actively exploited by your partner. In your relationship with your partner, there are elements of your robotization and subordination. A significant part of your energy potential is actually appropriated by your partner. In this case, your imagination and creative abilities suffer the main damage. It becomes almost impossible to compose or come up with anything on your own. 3. I felt his presence in my emotions, from the very beginning he scared (surprised, shocked, made me laugh, etc.) me, and every time I remembered or saw him, this experience returned to me. Such a pervasive and dominant emotion, constantly revealed in relationships with a partner, indicates its strong and distorting influence on your affective sphere. A partner of this type seems to send you a strong and similar signal, activating in you a very specific stereotype of affective response, which you learned in early childhood in communication with a significant adult man (most likely your father). Such a partner unconsciously uses the zone of primary emotional contact to position himself as an ersatz primary partner. Thus, he gains power and can dominate you through his emotional state. He unconsciously senses where exactly your weakness lies and takes advantage of it. The emotional state caused by your partner makes you stupid, childish and, therefore, submissive and driven. The psychological capitulation that occurs in this case forces you to act passively, like a puppet, doing everything to please your partner. 4. I realized that he is now always with me. I realized that he is now in me, in my ideas, as a kind of 'inner eye', as constantly present and observing me and everything that happens in my life. No matter what I did or where I was, I always felt his gaze on me, from which it was impossible to hide, which was impossible to forget. Such a partner positions himself in your mind. Coinciding with the stereotypes of the super-ego, he becomes an internal observer who constantly evaluates andcondemns everything in your inner life. He is omnipresent, it is impossible to hide from him. And even if you try to maintain some private and secret area within yourself, then it arises there from time to time, causing in you feelings of your own sinfulness, guilt and internal immorality and failure. Such implementation fundamentally kills any sprouts of your own initiative, paralyzes your will, making you passive and prone to periodic depression. The longer you communicate, the stronger the signs of your general devitalization - weakness, anemia, fatigue, exhaustion. 5. I felt it not even close, but right under my skin, as if it was spread under it like something fluid. Such a bodily sensation that arises in communication with a partner indicates such a penetration into your psyche in which, despite your mental robbery, you give little to your partner. By dominating you, taking advantage of your mental and vital energy, he receives little himself. Mutual impoverishment and mutual inhibition of development occurs. Despite the fact that in the course of the relationship, the partner receives everything, and you receive nothing, he does not feel satisfied because he cannot dispose of what he received. 6. I felt as if he was enveloping me from all sides, and I was inside him, included in him. The emergence of such a feeling usually occurs when communicating with more experienced and older partners, in whose appearance there is something effeminate (motherly). A relationship with such a partner leads to such mental interpenetration, as a result of which not only he, but also you, enjoys it. However, at the same time you are not developing. The maximum you are capable of is to restore your vitality after some time, so that the next time you communicate with your partner, you can once again, and not without pleasure, give it to him. You repeat yourself again and again, noticing after a while that you are becoming more and more exhausted, becoming weaker, and that your aging is somehow revealing itself too prematurely. 7. I felt him as if he were under my breasts and touching them (touching my skin on my stomach, etc.). If the primary sensation in communication with a partner is a similar tactile sensation, then your partner clearly claims to establish a maternal attitude towards himself on your part. Your desire to pity, cherish, care and feed that arises is used exclusively for this purpose. To deprive you of your strength, to suck out of you the 'milk of your life', your erotic juices. A partner of this type is inclined to praise you verbally, invariably positioning himself lower as a weak, infantile, dependent person. However, it is he who dominates the situation, making himself the center of what is happening. Communication of this kind tends to turn into a stable, but completely unproductive stereotype. It is impossible to 'feed' such a 'baby', it is impossible to 'raise' him. You can only give yourself to him again and again, remaining such a lifelong “nurse”. 8. I felt as if something was forcing me to look only below his belt. This is a very strange feeling that is associated only with him. I don't usually look at men like that. A partner of this type is a constant promise to a woman of sexuality, sexual pleasure and satisfaction. The woman lives with this hope. However, the partner, introducing obvious sexual overtones into everything, actually never shows this sexuality, never becomes a full-fledged sexual partner. Capturing and extremely intriguing a woman, such a partner seeks to extract maximum benefit from this for himself and seeks to assert himself. But he is completely incapable of developing relationships, since he is interested in only one thing, to use for as long as possible the power that this specific access to the zone of defective primary contact provides him. 9. I felt him somewhere there, in the distance, as if there was a distance between us, a kind of exclusion zone,"