Such a couple is a real explosive mixture, where both partners suffer equally. Let's take a closer look at this case. The one who acts as a dependent in such a couple, let it, for example, be a woman constantly trying to “catch up” with her partner. She dissolves so much in him that she completely forgets about herself and her life, which existed even before meeting this man. This happens so strongly and totally that she begins to almost pursue her “idol”, because it is in him that the woman now sees the whole meaning of her life. That is, she falls into complete dependence on him and this relationship with him - this is called codependency. What does the man - our counterdependent - do at this time? And he’s just trying to “escape” from his “hunter” by hook or by crook. That is, the closer and closer contact a woman tries to establish, the more he tries to avoid it. These are the eternal games of “cat and mouse” and “closer and further.” Accordingly, both partners suffer through this behavior. What motivates such people in relationships? What is the root of the problem with this behavior? Let's start with the fact that the reason for this behavior is fear and self-doubt, but there is one big difference depending on who the person is in this relationship - codependent or counterdependent. For a codependent, this fear, first of all, lies in the fact that he feels useless to anyone, unsure of himself and that he will be able to interest at least someone and not remain lonely. This often stretches back to childhood, where there was no warmth, no support, no faith from significant people, mainly parents, that he could really be loved unconditionally - just for the fact that he simply is. And now such a person is trying somehow compensate for this by “earning” and “begging” for this love from others. Therefore, as soon as someone appears on the horizon who fits the image of “cold and unapproachable” familiar to such a person since childhood, he immediately “joins” the game and begins to “deserve” love again, because this scenario is already like that before pain dear to him...And this is instead of, first of all, believing in yourself and discovering this value, too, first of all in yourself. Believe that he really deserves love, but not because he “deserves” it, but simply because he is worthy of it. Let's return to our counter-dependent. For him, fear also lies in self-doubt, but also in the fear of intimacy and being rejected, so the important point that distinguishes him from a codependent is that he simply convinced himself that he no longer needs anyone and he no longer wants to feel anything. Such a person simply decided to close his heart from the pain of being rejected, which he already - experienced earlier, perhaps also without receiving more love from his parents or having experienced betrayal or betrayal in his previous relationships. Therefore, now he no longer wants any love, because for this he needs to become vulnerable and trusting again, and he believes he can no longer afford such a luxury, because the price is too high. And that is why, as soon as such a person, even if he enters into a relationship, they begin, as he believes, to “get too close” and “force” him to open up, then he moves away even more, he becomes embittered and closes himself in his “house” so that no one will touch or pester him. He can even break off the relationship himself if he suddenly sees that this could all be “going too far.” Of course, he does this unconsciously, simply to avoid new possible pain, but this does not make it any easier for him, because it is really very difficult for him to build normal harmonious relationships and finally stop “running.” Such a person may even be afraid to admit this to himself, continuing to wear the mask of “cold and unapproachable”, who is completely satisfied with everything. But at the same time, he, of course, also wants tenderness and love. Therefore, in this case, start