From the author: We discussed with some of my clients the problem of children’s safety on the Internet. This is perhaps an important topic for all modern parents. In the family that approached me, the daughter (8 years old) accidentally watched a video about zombies online. I started playing strange games about biting people and stuff. Gradually the conversation moved to the sphere of relations between children and parents. The thoughts formulated in conversation seem valuable to me (and clients), so I share them. And in the end there will also be technology to develop trust in the family. Personally, by the way, I am a categorical opponent of tablets, smartphones, and TVs within the reach of children under 3 years old. But this is a remark (there are other articles for that). With children 7-10 years old, the problem is not technical issues. Modern digital devices allow you to limit content using child modes. The problem is in relationships. It is possible to agree with the child how he will use the Internet. What will be searched from your personal phone or friends’ phones. And - what is even more important - what will be done with the information received (untimely?) Especially when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, money, alcohol, drugs, sex, aggression and other complex topics. Two aspects of the problem have been discovered: - adults want children to learn as much information as possible FROM PARENTS, and to treat the information the way their parents want it. Alas, this is largely a utopia. Children still learn at least something “in the yard”, at school, on the Internet. This is a natural consequence of socialization, no matter how we adults treat it. It is important to accept this as an inevitable evil: every child will one day learn something that his parents wanted to protect him from. And - what is saddest - the child will understand this in some way that is absolutely incomprehensible to the parent. In my own way. not like parents. Maybe even completely different. And it will be impossible to check; it will often be difficult to ask. It is impossible to control the thoughts in someone else's head. And this smoothly brings us closer to the second -! - idea. - adults speak strictly about difficult topics, which scares children and interferes with dialogue. It is important to create a trusting environment for communicating with a child on any topic. So that the child can discuss information found on the Internet or other dubious sources with his parents. Don’t lie, don’t be silent, but speak. How to achieve this? Strangely enough, the answer is simple - don't scold your children. So that the child can tell something about which he doubts/feels guilty. But - a skeptical reader will tell me - children commit misdeeds! They need to be scolded sometimes! Agree. And in solving this contradiction comes... A TOOL for maintaining contact with children. Agree with the child on a code word/special place/secret ritual (envelope, etc.) using which, the child could tell you what he is afraid of or shy. When I proposed this idea to my clients, my dad cried: “This is it! How I missed such a word when I dented my dad’s car at the age of 17! I already knew it would hit me. I knew everyone would be angry and upset. I was terribly scared to go and confess.” We laughed a lot after that, remembering stories where such a word would be useful not only for children, but also for adults. In the end, in this family, you agreed as follows: the person who brings and unwraps the candy to his interlocutor (as if sweetening the pill) has the status of a parliamentarian and will be heard without accusations, swearing and instant punishment. This will not free him from the consequences (punishment for a dented car, for example) , but will give you the opportunity to speak out and apologize. After all, the very fact that a child/adult uses such a ritual speaks of repentance. Well, how can you prevent children from using “candy” too often? This is the level of agreements, the seriousness of the Parent-Children dialogue itself. What should I teach you here? This is your family! Seriousness will be organized if you, the reader, believe in this tool. Well, if something goes wrong... wait for me to visit. I'll come with sweets. PS: Published from.