When a person goes through a divorce, we can say that he was unlucky to a certain extent: he made a mistake in his choice, made mistakes, etc. When a person experiences a second divorce, we can say that no conclusions were drawn from the first unsuccessful relationship. Even if we take into account that the cause of an unsuccessful marriage can be bad luck, it is extremely difficult to attribute a second divorce to this. If a person has experienced an unsuccessful marriage twice, then it should be recognized that it is he who has problems building relationships. And even if this problem lies only in the plane of behavior, it means that this particular person does not draw any conclusions based on his previous experience. Among the clients of family psychologists, such people are quite rare. Usually they tend to attribute their unsuccessful relationships to some circumstances: to the wrong people who meet on their way, to the fact that somehow everything did not work out. They very rarely come to the assumption that if they have something If it didn’t work out, it’s their own fault. As a rule, there is something in common that unites such people. And this is common - an absolute reluctance to take responsibility when building relationships, fear of letting someone into your personal life, inability to see, and most importantly, understand your family and members of your family. Have you noticed how many “NOT” there are? and as a result, it did NOT work out. Many people are in the sincere illusion that when starting a family, all their efforts end in a wedding. “Well,” they say, “here is a stamp in the passport - we are a family.” But a stamp in documents is only a documentation of the relationship. Without a well-built relationship within a married couple, there is no family. It’s like an official paper confirming that the house is built and ready for commissioning, but if the paper is not confirmed by facts - a truly completed house, then it is worth nothing. If there are gaps between the windows, the doors are skewed, the walls are not level, and the roof is leaking - you won’t be able to live in such a house, no matter how many documents there are that prove that the house is in perfect condition. With family life, everything is exactly the same. With the legalization of relationships, only their status changes. The actual work of creating your family is still ahead. Most often, the question that a person has had several unsuccessful marriages is asked not by this person himself, but by his next partner, who is afraid that after a while he, too, will become an ex-wives or husbands . And, it must be said, that he is very justifiably afraid. If you are building a relationship with a person who has already experienced divorce several times, you should, if possible, turn to a family psychologist, even before legalizing the relationship again. This can be quite difficult to do, especially if the partner is sure that everything is fine with him: he was just “unlucky.” In this case, you need to say that you are afraid that he will “have no luck” with you. The psychologist will help to work out those aspects in the partner’s personality and behavior that in previous relationships served as prerequisites for the reasons why his marital life fell apart. The main task in this case is to create in the partner a desire for specific actions to change himself. It is worth understanding that marital relationships are made up of the mutual efforts of spouses to build them. If you yourself have been in an unhappy marriage more than once, then you should understand that luck is a mental category, a skill that consists of recognizing and using successful opportunities. If you were “unlucky” before, this does not mean at all that you should be “unlucky” in the future. You should understand that it is never too late to change. It is a person’s ability to change himself and his behavior to a more effective one. A successful marriage is not a game of chance, not luck given from above, not the arrangement of the stars that leads you to meet that one person. A successful marriage is the skill of using effective ways to communicate with your spouse. A successful marriage is a system of knowledge about how to solve problematic situations and how to be happy with the person who is.