How to cross the line of dependence There is such a problem in the relationship between spouses, partners, or children and their parents as emotional dependence. When, for example, there is no significant other person nearby and there is no opportunity to satisfy your need with him. In this case, severe anxiety may occur, with insomnia, headaches, obsessive thoughts and worries. And so, a wife cannot do without her husband, and a husband cannot do without his wife, a grown child without maternal care, or a mother without being able to control their adult child. Dependent people make decisions out of fear of losing, being rejected, asking for help, experiencing pain, vulnerability. All life is built on other people's values ​​and norms, scenarios, rules, and prohibitions. And when they lack their own support, addicts try to rely on other people's norms, on other people. At the same time, they lose touch with their own feelings and needs, since they strongly doubt that they are “right” and fear punishment or devaluation from significant others. And they strive for merger - dissolution in another through the loss of their Self. And there is another side of dependence - counter-dependence. This is when, on the contrary, there is a fear of merging and a thirst for isolation, freedom and independence. Such people often find each other, and so one strives to dissolve in the other, and the other runs away from such dissolution, and all their lives they have a boring game of catch-up, in which there is no opportunity to meet. To get rid of such a life-destroying addiction, you must first admit that it exists. But admitting this is not easy, since addiction provides many different pleasant experiences similar to a high. Such people often deny the fact of addiction and this does not allow them to take steps towards well-being. After recognizing the fact of addiction, it becomes possible to discover their feelings, desires, and needs. And along with them, strengthening self-esteem and the ability to accept oneself. Deepening contact with yourself makes it possible to take care of yourself, recognize needs, fulfill needs and live with pleasure. Addicts tend to experience strong and opposing emotions. It can be impossible to accept your feelings - shame, guilt, anxiety. In relation to a loved one, both love and anger are often present at the same time, and it can be difficult to notice the presence of both of these feelings, giving preference to one of them and suppressing the other. This is how a broken perception appears - the partner seems either absolutely good or absolutely bad, without any shades in between. Often in dependent relationships there are no healthy boundaries. It is not clear where one ends and the other begins. And here it is important to recognize where is my responsibility for my life and needs, and where is the responsibility of the other for his life and his needs. Many conflicts can be avoided if you give power to others for their destiny, their decisions, and take power for your decisions and your destiny into your own hands. A very important aspect of a satisfying relationship is intimacy. To experience the need for intimacy means to feel your vulnerability in front of another, and at the same time affection for him. In the past, in the lives of such people, it often happened that when approaching, they received rejection, were hurt, and then decided not to come close to another, since it was dangerous and painful. And this inner vulnerable part has since then been forced to hide in the depths of the unconscious so that don’t take risks, don’t get attached to anyone. Childhood experiences can include prolonged separation from parents, insufficient attention and care, as well as violence and rejection. My task as a psychologist is to help release this inner wounded part from the underground, make it visible, accept, heal. To do this, in an atmosphere of safety and trust, we work through emotional psychological trauma and its consequences. We are looking for something that gives us the opportunity to rely on our own strength. Such a traumatic experience.