My youngest daughter has already grown up. He’s already talking about “his path.” This is after Paulo Coelho's book "The Alchemist". How rapidly the world is developing if thirteen-year-old teenagers are already discussing their self-realization, already asking themselves the question “Who am I?” Or maybe this is normal for teenagers, and then in adulthood priorities change, and truly important questions are put on the back burner? Maybe liveliness and interest in life are gradually being replaced by judgments and dogmas? When I consider a phenomenon, I am concerned with two questions: “how?” and for what?". Would you like to ask them with me? If “yes,” read on. How? It’s very easy not to talk or think about your place in the world, if you don’t talk about yourself. You can talk a lot and not at all about yourself. It’s amazing how masterfully some people manage to avoid the pronoun “I.” I asked a lady who came to me because of conflicts with her husband what exactly didn’t suit her, and she replied: “He doesn’t understand me.” Or I ask a woman with whom I work with overeating why she eats chips, knowing that they are not food in principle. And she answered a question of hers wonderfully: “I like them, they’re delicious.” While working with the mother of a teenage girl, I offered to talk about their relationship, and received the answer: “It’s difficult for me with her, she doesn’t listen to me.” In these three different situations, there is a common phenomenon. This is a refusal to take responsibility for your actions, your life choices. In essence, this is a choice of lack of will. The active, strong-willed “I” is replaced by a passive “me.” It is NOT me who failed to get close to my husband, but “He doesn’t understand me.” It is NOT me who left only chemical food substitutes in life as pleasures, but “I like them, they are delicious.” It is NOT me who refuses respect to my child, but “It’s difficult for me with her, she doesn’t listen to me.” Why? Why can a person give up himself, his “I”? Out of love. Out of love for his parents, if they told him in childhood: “Don’t mess around!” Out of self-love, if the word “responsibility” sounds threatening to him. Responsibility is not only “bearing the answer,” it is also to rule. Rule over yourself first. Show your will. After all, by taking responsibility for something, we also acquire power over it. By refusing to be responsible for ourselves and shifting responsibility to another, we lose power over ourselves. And then you can complain as much as you like about the lack of willpower, about the injustice of the world, about degrading humanity. This is NOT ME! You can remain in the “Me” “me” state as long as you like. Do you want to change something? Why? To feel passion, fullness of life. To rejoice sincerely, with all my heart, like a child, at the first spring sun, the sky reflected in puddles and everything that the world provides. To feel like the creator of your success. To simply love and be loved. How? If you want to change your life for the better, start with an active “I”: “I want to come to an agreement with my husband”; “I only eat when I’m hungry”; “I worry about my child because love him.” And this is just the beginning for many more “how” and “why” questions. It is important to learn to ask yourself the right questions. But it’s interesting and easy to learn this with a psychologist. After all, asking questions is our specialty. Welcome to individual consultations and group classes. Call and get full information. Sincerely, Elena.