From the author: From a magazine for parents My son first fell in love when he was 3 years old. And he went to kindergarten solely for the sake of his beloved Anechka. And when I got up in the morning in a bad mood and abandoned my childhood responsibilities, I used to repent and even exploit his innocent love: “Anya will be there, she will be waiting for you!” And Danil obediently pulled on his tights, and we silently wandered to the kindergarten. New love happened to my son as quickly as his old love ended. He fell in love with Alice. And so much so that he immediately decided to give her flowers and a ring. We didn’t give him flowers, but the lady of the heart received a ring. I clearly remember Alisa’s mother’s face when presenting her with a silver-plated ring in a real velvet box: “Oh, so we should wait for a proposal?” But no offer was received. Danil managed to forget Alice over the summer. Then there was Nastya, Marina, Arisha and Sveta... The first love for many of us is connected not with school age, but with kindergarten. Try to remember - two lockers next to each other, on the door of yours there is a cat, on his plane. He had disheveled red hair and freckles, wearing darned socks... And despite everything, he was so handsome! These are the memories that remain, sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but there is always warmth in them. Now, having already had some experience behind us, we know how to react to certain events. But what should a little person do when he encounters his first love for the first time? The model of any relationship, of course, is the family - the relationship between mom and dad. Moreover, the “lessons” of this school are deposited deep in the subconscious. A child always feels what the relationship is between parents, even if, for example, after a quarrel, you absolutely do not show it. Psychologist Nadezhda Vasilyeva claims that already as adults, people subconsciously project the relationship of their parents onto their family. And it’s quite normal when children sincerely fall in love with their parents or their friends - everyone’s experience of first love is different and you shouldn’t be afraid of it. But it’s worth knowing how to react to this correctly. “My daughter often complains about her classmate in kindergarten. He pulls her pigtails, pushes her and teases her. I talked with the teacher, she claims that this is how he shows his feelings. What kind of love is this?” Pulling pigtails and teasing are only a desire to attract the attention of someone the child really likes. If he is experiencing such feelings for the first time, then he simply does not yet know what to do with it. You need to try to teach your child that signs of attention can be provided not only in this way. All this may also happen due to fear of ridicule from others or due to a lack of understanding of what is happening to them. Let your child feel that love is a completely normal feeling that does not need to be feared or avoided. Remember that it is your behavior that is the guideline for the baby. “My 4-year-old son recently decided to get married. The future daughter-in-law's name is Lisa..."When a child comes to you and tells you a terrible secret that in kindergarten he liked one girl (or boy) and fell in love... - you need to try not to scare the baby, be extremely attentive and careful - after all, he is sharing with you the most intimate. A mockery or even a careless smile can offend a touching creature, and the baby can simply withdraw into himself and then decide for himself that loving is funny. Children's love differs from adult love in that it is idealistic. And “getting married” simply means wanting to be close to the object of your love. The ability to love is innate and matures from an early age in such “adult” desires. “When Pavlusha was 5 years old, he “seriously” looked after six-year-old Olya. He gave her flowers, toys, looked forward to meeting her, was jealous of other gentlemen, got into fights for the lady of his heart and was worried to tears if his mother could not take him to visit a friend. He honestly confessed to me hisfeelings and even made an official proposal to the bride’s parents!” We must admit that children’s love exists. But we, adults, often refuse to believe in it and therefore are not ready to respond correctly to the romantic interests of our son or daughter. By courting and falling in love, our children gain their first experience of relationships with the opposite sex. The baby is just learning to love and accept love from another person, he has a real feeling, although it sometimes looks frivolous. As a rule, first love awaits children at the age of five. Moreover, according to the observations of psychologists, girls usually begin to pay attention to boys earlier, and boys can fall in love for the first time at the age of 7-10. Although everything is individual. Returning to the beginning of the article, we have already seen that there are young Romeos who become victims of Cupid already in the junior group of kindergarten. “My Katyusha, together with the neighbor’s boy Andrei, often play “husband and wife.” They even go to bed together and have a baby!” Role-playing games in the “family” reflect the child’s knowledge of the world around him. If the scenario of children's games is this: they love each other, their daughter or son is born, they go with him to the store, kindergarten, to visit, put him to bed, feed him. This doesn't mean that they want it. Through play, the child models life situations and tries on various roles. Thus, children completely copy the family life of their parents. At the age of seven to nine years, the motive of imitation has a huge influence on the development of the child. Children repeat their parents in everything, including their marital relationships. And needless to say, how strongly the experience gained in their family will affect their own adult life, laying the foundations for real behavior in the future. Therefore, parents should not worry that the child already “wants to start a family.” “At the New Year’s party, Sasha was the only one who was not afraid to compete in dexterity with Santa Claus himself. For his dexterity and courage, the boy received a well-deserved reward: a large fur hare. And then, in front of the amazed children and their parents, he silently laid the toy at the feet of the little blond girl. “Bride and groom, tili-tili dough!” - one of the boys shouted. And then the kids burst into healthy childish laughter. Only the blond girl did not laugh...” By demonstrating their feelings in public, children can often face grins and ridicule from others. Even the adults themselves, looking at the young lovers who recently walked “on foot under the table,” cannot help but smile. But remember that laughing and making fun of your baby’s hobby means making fun of his deepest feelings, which can deeply hurt the baby. The fear of looking funny and a growing sense of inferiority can kill the very desire to love in a little person. The most important thing you can do for your child in such a situation is to support and encourage him. Show that you take his love seriously and respect his feelings. Explain that expressing your sympathy is not shameful. The main thing is that the child does not develop a desire to hide or even avoid attachments in the future, only because of the fear of being ridiculed. “Recently, my son Kolya came home from school very sad. It was clear that he was very upset. He later told me that he confessed his love to his classmate and kissed her. And she responded by hitting him on the cheek with all her might. And with the words that her mother taught her this.” Love gives a child a feeling of self-confidence. As a rule, children of primary school age love themselves more in love. Falling in love elevates a child above his peers and gives him a sense of adulthood. The object of love is more attracted by appearance. The child is not yet able to appreciate the inner world of another person. In his impulse to show his feelings, the child did not think about what reaction this might cause in the girl. Parents should explain that our desires may not always coincide with the desires of other people. And if we intend to do something about anothera person, even things that are completely harmless in our opinion, then first we need to find out how he will react to this. To avoid hurting his feelings and to treat the other person with respect. After all, in a relationship it is important to take into account not only your desires, but also the desires of the opposite party. “Our 4-year-old son says that when he grows up, he will marry his mother... How can we convince him that this is not right?” Around this age, boys develop the so-called “Oedipus complex” - this is a manifestation of love for their mother with a feeling of jealousy towards to my father. In a relationship with a parent of the opposite sex, the child learns to love and accept love, and receives his first such experience. On the basis of this, the child will build relationships in adulthood. Of course, it needs to be explained that he can only marry when he grows up and the girl he loves. But you shouldn’t stop the child’s desire to be attentive to his mother. After all, loving means not only giving or only receiving, but being able to combine all this. If a mother is emotionally close to her child, expresses her love through care and affection, and is able to accept her son’s “awkward” advances, then this will become the foundation for healthy relationships in her own family when the child grows up. “Sonya is 7 years old. This summer my friends and I went on vacation to the sea. And in our company there was one young man of student age, the son of my friend. And it had to happen. My Sonya fell in love with him. And so much so that now, despite the fact that more than six months have passed, she thinks about him and dreams of meeting him. How to help your daughter? And is it normal to fall in love with a man of very “old age”?” Little lovers are often unpredictable in their choice, and age for them is generally an abstract concept. The child is filled with romance. Children's feelings are purer, more vulnerable than ours. Girls tend to idealize their love and often fall in love with those who are available only in dreams and fantasies. For example: they may love heroes of films and books, famous musical performers, actors, etc. In this love, the increased need to love is realized. Some time will pass and this love will leave only sweet memories, and real relationships will come to replace it. “Two years ago my daughter went to kindergarten for the first time. And every morning in kindergarten, Lisa began sobbing. I didn’t have time to calm her down, so I just ran off to work, and Lisa remained crying in the hallway. This continued until Denis took her under his protection. The boy was the favorite of the girls in the group and the teachers. Handsome, confident, every morning he approached Lisa, took her hand and led her to the group. All day timid Lizochka, like a tail, followed her protector. The teachers were moved by looking at this couple. The following year, Lisa remained in kindergarten, and Deniska went to school. Since then, Lisa has been unrecognizable. She waited for him to visit every day, became sad, and stopped playing with other children.” This is completely natural when a girl loses her patron, who gave her self-confidence. She has no life experience yet, and losing a boyfriend or girlfriend may seem like a complete disaster. It is difficult for the child to cope with this - he needs help. It is necessary to support her in her own abilities, encourage the child to find friends, and teach her to communicate with other children. Try to come up with a fairy tale for her, for example, about Lena or Dima, who were also very sad when they broke up with their beloved friend or girlfriend. But then a little time passed, and Lena (Dima) made new friends. They played together, they were having fun and joy. - Treat your child's feelings with attention and respect. Don't make fun of them or brush off his problems. - Create an atmosphere in which the child wants to share his deepest dreams and secrets with you. - Don’t be jealous of your baby’s boyfriend or girlfriend. After all, your place in a child’s heart belongs only to you. - Be attentive to your child if he is separated from his friend. - If your child’s love is left without».