From the author: Daughters-Mothers is a game that girls begin to play in kindergarten and which captivates them for the rest of their lives. The main thing is to notice in time that a child is not a doll and has the right to his opinion. I remember very well being a girl who played with pleasure and enthusiasm at Daughter-Mother. Responsibility for the doll’s comfort, for its well-being and health increased my self-esteem - I knew for sure: I am a good mother. The doll was fed, outfits were specially sewn for her, she walked on time and even went to the zoo and theater. I did good for the doll - I took care of it. I was happy because all the doll’s wishes coincided with mine and everything was realized according to the ingenious plan of the game director - MINE! Only 20 years passed, and the opportunity to play presented itself to me again. My daughter was born, my joy, my hope, my princess and many, many more wonderful words in superlatives. I was happy. But it turned out that the daughter has her own desires, her own capabilities, and her own character, which sometimes did not coincide at all with My brilliant plan - TO BE A GOOD MOTHER. Upon reflection, I realized that you can only be a good mother THROUGH YOUR DAUGHTER. Let me explain the idea - the mother feeds the child as she sees fit, the mother walks with the child as she sees fit, the mother dresses the child as she sees fit, the mother enrolls the child in a circle that she sees fit. Mom knows how a girl should behave, what this girl wants, and even how to realize it. Mom knows how to do it, because she is Mom. And because of this, she feels like a Good Mom. She feels a sense of self-worth - that’s what a MOTHER she is - knowing everything and understanding how it SHOULD be done. And such a worm as: Or maybe he wants to poke around in the sand more than play the violin, maybe listening to opera is too early for a girl of 6 years old, maybe she wants to wear faded jeans, not ballgowns, and he prefers to read science fiction, but not the classics - it doesn’t gnaw at this Mom’s heart. The idea that children should confirm with their submissive behavior to their parents that their ingenious parenting plan is GENIUS and they are very good parents closes the very essence of why we give birth to children. For what? To prove to yourself and everyone through the child that you have succeeded as a mother? To feel through a child the universal power over him? To use your child to realize your unfulfilled desires to play the piano or play football? Probably not. Probably to continue oneself in a “happier version”. Only happiness is not in imposing your own norms and values, based on your own experience accumulated over the years of trial and error, but in the opportunity to give your children freedom of choice and support in any of this choice. Happiness is when you realized yourself as a Mother, without making your child “crippled” - you didn’t tie him to yourself with an invisible thread of dependence on your desires, you didn’t cultivate psychosomatic diseases in him, from the inability to directly resist the brilliant upbringing plan. I realized this when my daughter it was two years old. And I had to become a Simple imperfect mother. Sometimes our views are diametrically opposed and she declares with undisguised pride in society: “Here my mother and I have differences.” Recognizing that My daughter may think differently than me, that she may doubt the correctness of My opinion, always confronts me with the fact that she is different. She is mine, but she is different. The other is beautiful, smart, young, and... independent. My daughter is not a silent doll. She has her own desires and her own paths - roads. I really want to do good to her and take care of her. And I’m glad that I realized in time that, firstly, my daughter doesn’t owe me anything in return for my GOOD. Secondly, that sometimes she doesn’t need this kindness at all and it doesn’t come in handy. And thirdly, that in order for good to become GOOD, sometimes you need to ask permission - whether this Good can be done to her. And yet - she can and will live the way she wants. And I won't dare through.