Love, what is it? a feeling, a biological and natural process as some scientists claim, or yet a bright flash of deep emotions, for the sake of which many are ready for various actions, psychological and physiological compatibility, there is no final answer to this question, although there are many assumptions. Almost all human behavior is found analogy in the nature and relationships of animals, no matter how difficult it is to live with this thought, it is necessary to take into account that most contradictions and problems in relationships are natural and have a completely logical explanation and, as a rule, simpler than we would like “life is not as simple as it seems even simpler.” The comparison with animals is also relevant because animals know exactly what they feel and what to do next and are not tormented by questions about the right choice, but with people it’s the opposite. The choice of a partner is determined by many factors that have nothing to do with love, you just need someone nearby for... and there are many options, it all depends on the imagination. Men and women see and feel love not only in completely different ways, but also expect from a partner actions that are not typical for him, although they rarely talk about their desires. For a woman, relationships with a man are always romantic and somewhat idyllic in nature, therefore they are more demanding of relationships and in particular little things, flowers and other small signs of attention, even in the first stages of communication. If earlier there were dreams of a prince on a white horse, today these ideas have hardly changed, everything is needed at once. However, the woman herself, her feeling and presentation of herself has significantly transformed. The modern girl experiences an intrapersonal conflict, because she wants to remain independent, self-sufficient and strong, but at the same time she is very surprised when men see her like this, she wants the man to be stronger, took care of her and guessed all her desires, and without realizing it, she strives to compete for the leadership that she herself expects from her lover. Men also change, a modern knight will not pursue a woman if she does not let him know that he has a chance to win her heart. Relationships are usually built on contradictions between what you want, what you have, and what should be from the point of view of society , which always sets limits and restrictions on the strength and nature of the manifestation of feelings. This is how not only myths about ideal relationships are formed, but also a feeling of one’s own inferiority, the impossibility of achieving an absolute ideal, this is how many problems begin, for no apparent reason, but with tangible consequences. The polarity of aspirations creates a feeling of confusion and search for ready-made rules “how to love and maintain the relationship.” The first problem of this type for women is the desire to be attractive to everyone at once; according to some studies, this desire “scares men away.” The most difficult thing that can be for a woman in love is to remain herself and find that optimal side of the relationship that allows her to develop the relationship, and not follow a ready-made scheme. As a rule, a woman, although she has a variety of traits and qualities, strives to demonstrate only those that, from her point of view, are most attractive, and thus creates a false impression of herself, and not always a positive one. For example, too infantile behavior can emphasize the strength and intelligence of a man, this undoubtedly increases self-esteem, but over time he may simply become bored, since he does not receive the rational and partner side of the relationship, and although he is almost a god in this relationship, he will begin to seek understanding , not worship. Opposite behavior creates no less problems; women with dominant behavior strive to demonstrate their strength, independence and intelligence; such behavior can create discomfort for the interlocutor, since such force has a pressing effect, as if it takes away the strength of a man. This is competitive behaviorcan captivate and delight, but it is very difficult to love such a woman, she actually does not allow it. Love and its emotional manifestations are a sign of weakness for her; she can love, but love with her mind. It is interesting to note that men are the last to notice what a woman is trying to emphasize. Appearance is not the main criterion for evaluation; attention is certainly paid to it, but only if internal readiness and demeanor allow one to see beauty. Men often choose less attractive or “simple” women because they are safer for male pride, the likelihood of success is significantly higher, than with a beautiful and intelligent woman. Male behavior is just as stereotyped as female behavior; the list of stereotypes includes external success, career and sexual victories, emotional equanimity, and much more. Why does love arise and where does it go? “The most beautiful thing in love is the beginning and dreams, that’s why we start so often.” Thousands of people ask this question all the time, and every time they promise themselves to never trust people again, they fall into the same traps of love again and again. And where does it all begin? It’s common for a woman to fall in love or like her from a distance, i.e. seeing a man, she begins to completely unconsciously attribute to him certain qualities and moral values ​​that are important to her. She is sincerely confident that she knows how he will behave in a given situation, assumptions depend on the character and needs of the woman herself. What follows is a well-known rationalization mechanism, an explanation of all his actions through “rose-colored glasses”, no matter what he does, this there is a completely plausible excuse. In the end, when the imagination runs out, disappointment sets in and he turns out to be completely different “as if he had been replaced,” although in fact he remains himself, but without embellishments. This is a period of choice, either accept him as he is and really love him or go further in search of the “ideal man.” Oddly enough, a lot depends on this choice, because the motives of any normal person can be understood and accepted, if desired. Men have a different scheme for choosing a partner and relationships with her. Firstly, they have an opposite evaluation system; first of all, a man pays attention to the very possibility of a relationship, since for him there is nothing more expensive than his own male sufficiency. If he sees a certain accessibility in her behavior, he begins to act. The moment of the game, the element of rivalry, is also important in order to feel one’s own chosenness and importance among rivals. This statement is confirmed by almost all teenagers who collectively fall in love with one girl at school, and each only because his peers do the same. To become the best among many means to win the best in a man’s mind, perhaps, therefore, having nevertheless won, he often simply loses interest in a woman. Novelty for a man is just as important as stability for a woman, which is why both often run away from serious relationships , the woman is afraid that he will prefer her to another “newer” one, while the man is terribly afraid of losing his freedom and ability to choose. In addition, social stereotypes are also important, which are also absolutely different for both sexes. A woman is supposed to be married before thirty, otherwise questions and condolences from others begin, a man is simply called a bachelor, strange but true. For example, civil marriage on average people those living in it also see it differently “the man is not married, but the woman is convinced that she has a family and a husband”, in essence, people live together just as they would live officially, but for some, at least a ghostly freedom is important, although he does not use it “from no man will escape freedom.” Men are more susceptible to the influence of society, so appearance is important to them in some cases, “a woman is the face of a man,” which is probably why there are so many female beauty contests organized by men. Taking into account all these facts, the expression is true, pure and selflesslove, debatable. Love, of course, exists, but it needs nourishment, it does not survive in bad conditions, except perhaps dependence, as the phrases “love has broken into everyday life” or “love has passed” are often heard. This is, at least, strange if we talk about eternal love, but if you come down to earth a little, it turns out that truly sincere love is created on pure trust and psychological comfort, this in turn proves a certain natural egoism, which is completely natural. People, especially women, are afraid to admit their own “gains” from love, because a feeling of security, tenderness and care is at a minimum necessary, but at the same time everyone strives to prove that they love just like that, while continuing to be offended by lack of attention and parting in different ways, including not very significant reasons. They try to give even the most intimate sexual relationships a lighter and impersonal character. Women tend to demonstrate indifference to sex, although in fact for women it is just as important, and demonstrates demandingness, while giving great importance to the emotional side of “how much he loves” to determine this with flowers, gifts and other attributes that do not mean anything mean in the psyche of men. Knowing about this idea, many men try to observe the ritual at first, but then everything returns to normal, since these little things, for the most part, do not have the slightest meaning for them. Men resort to another form of defense, saying that they are the ones who are wooing the woman and “winning”, talking about all their sexual adventures in vivid colors and detail; for them this is one of the ways of self-affirmation. They can often make their courtships sound formal or even derogatory when they talk about them, even if in fact the relationship is important to them. In fact, both strategies are aimed at hiding insecurity and true feelings for a partner, to insure one’s self-esteem in case of “defeat”. After all, it is so dangerous to admit to yourself, neither that you are in love with someone, without being sure that it is mutual. This is largely reflected in the manner of courtship, a man checks, and will not act if he does not know that they accept it, so they often act in a veiled or simply uncertain manner. Women, on the other hand, play the game of inaccessibility, this can happen in different ways, but the main motto will be “if a woman says no, it means maybe if she says, maybe it means yes, if she says yes, then what kind of woman is she?” .Women rarely speak directly, and men, on the contrary, do not know how, but rather do not want to guess what women are thinking about. All this leads to the idea that eternal, pure and selfless love is a myth that lasts for a certain time for everyone and only a few manage to realize it by living life together. Partnerships are an almost ideal type of relationship, since in them partners take and give equally and don’t be afraid to talk about your needs, don’t play at selflessness and false altruism, and thus do the really right thing, maintaining relationships, talking about your feelings openly “love is not something you can take, but something you want to give.” On the contrary, there is a romantic myth in the female soul, this myth is well reflected in the stereotype “he should know or guess what I feel and what I want,” this is probably the most common reason for conflicts in couples. The reason is that emotions are important for a woman, and due to social stereotypes about classical femininity, a woman should not talk about her feelings more than men, and many consider it completely unacceptable to say that something is wrong and so a game of cat and mouse begins with hints and insults, although there is often confusion in the roles. A woman feels offended if a man suddenly doesn’t read her thoughts, and he is too proud and independent to talk about something he doesn’t understand, it’s easier to also be offended and find a petty reason for this that is not related to the topic of the conflict. In fact, no one not guilty, justIt is difficult for a woman to understand and come to terms with the concrete and logical thinking of a man who simply does not notice a lot, or sees things differently. There are a huge number of such myths in both male and female psychology. Myths about love, freedom, devotion, the ideal partner, the roles of men and women, sex, criteria of attractiveness, family and social stereotypes of culture, they are all so conventional that it is even strange how many people are guided by them. The myth of the “ideal man” is very interesting; every woman, to one degree or another, has such a standard. His collective image: caring, attentive, reliable, loving, gentle, affectionate, calm, etc. in general, homely, and at the same time strong, emotional, purposeful, capable of starting wars for the sake of love, and achieving his goal at any cost, etc.. If you think about it, these are two completely opposite people and the combination of these qualities together gives both minimum neurosis. Therefore, a woman is always missing something in her beloved, and series in which the hero is just a knight play a significant role in this; it’s a pity that, leaving the set, he goes out of character. Men have a similar myth, “the ideal woman - a mistress in the house, a lover in bed, a friend and ally who can support and a mother who can regret.” Naturally, one woman does not master so many incarnations, even if she partially succeeds and a man will still compare her with others. Men are polygamous by nature, having one woman, they will pay attention to and evaluate other women “the one they love and the only one are different women.” The myth about sex is the most taboo, and because of this the most widespread. They don’t talk about this much, and if they do, they give it a “safe tone” by speaking jokingly, dismissively, indifferently, etc., although behind all these forms there is fear and awkwardness. On the one hand, this is one of the basic needs that connects, like the others, a person with the animal world, and it is this connection that frightens. In a true experience, both the man and the woman lose control over themselves, and this is scary, because it is always scary to be as you are, especially in front of your loved one. Most people with strong complexes of various kinds have problems in their sexual life. Psychologically, these are problems: the first is problems in general attractiveness to the opposite sex, then choosing a partner, maintaining long-term relationships, trusting relationships and psychological readiness for sex itself. Biological problems are expressed in: fears sex, impaired reactions, discomfort during sexual intercourse, and deviations during arousal. Most of these disorders are somatic. Attractiveness can become a reward and a punishment, it all depends on personal characteristics. In women and men, lack of sexual attractiveness has similar reasons. What attracts first of all is what Freud called libido, this feeling of energy, a sense of self and inner confidence that is felt and attracts partners. This is sexuality, not beauty. This energy is in everyone, but everyone approaches sex differently. A girl who grew up in a family where sex is something shameful will suppress her desires in every possible way, or, depending on her personal characteristics, will strongly emphasize sexuality and pay great attention to this area of ​​life. As previously noted, more accessible, softer and not too bright women are more attractive; women are also often more attractive not by beautiful, but by “charming” men who create an aura of reliability and confidence. Therefore, both men and women who doubt the desires of the chosen one and to be the way they want to be seen, they do everything to be attractive, they do not have much success, since they themselves “lower their value.” - The choice of a sexual partner is inextricably linked with self-esteem, again, susceptibility to stereotypes, a sense of self and own value. There is a concept of an attractive type in both sexes and, as a rule, they like several types of appearance,.