After the ellipsis, you can substitute... ironing my shirts, being interested in my affairs, wanting/not wanting sex, being gentle and affectionate... Substitute something of your own. Women can mirror what they think a husband should do: take care, earn a lot, help with children. I suggest you think about what this duty is. Often people feel anger or resentment because someone doesn’t does what it supposedly should. Road users must follow the rules, pedestrians must not get in the way, the partner must take care, the boss must increase the salary. What is an obligation? This is not an expectation that agreements will be fulfilled, because everyone knows that agreements may not be respected. This is not a search for justice in the case of unfulfilled hopes. This is a dogmatic requirement based on personal beliefs. If you are convinced that your wife should iron shirts because her mother did so, you are driven by the belief that this is exactly how it should be. If it so happens that your wife does this, you will not have problems, but if she believes that your husband can stroke himself, then you have problems, because it is not your wife, but your belief that creates them for you. If you think that it would be good your wife stroked it, but she doesn’t do it, you have no reason to be angry. Inconvenience and unhealthy emotions come from a dogmatic requirement that makes you uncomfortable because you consider it an immutable truth. An immutable truth is, for example, the law of gravity. An unshakable, unshakable law. And shirts can be ironed by anyone, they can even be worn without being ironed, the world will not cease to exist. If you have such an unshakable conviction for you, then this is probably a former desire, which for some reason once became a dogma. I would like/would like to have...this in my life. A desire raised to an absolute becomes a demand, a harsh, irreconcilable expression of a desire that must certainly come true. It is completely normal to want care, but how does it follow from what you want that someone should do it for you? There is no logic in demanding strict adherence to what you want.