From the author: “A person feels his debt only if he is free, and any debt voluntarily assigned to oneself implies freedom” (A. Bergson), and the rest is a duty! Only an adult is capable of planning and building his life, making independent decisions in accordance with his moral values. The duty towards oneself... is that a person maintain human dignity in himself. E. Kant “I don’t owe anyone!”; "I don't owe anyone!" - how often do we hear these phrases not only from children who utter these words with quite pronounced indignation and indignation, especially towards their parents. In response, of course, you hear indignant indignation from the people around you: “How can you say such a thing, they are your parents, they gave you life! You owe them your life! So be grateful!” Again all the same words: “You must! You must!” And there is someone who will not judge and will ask: “What happened to you? How can I help you? Let's talk?” None of us thinks in such a situation about why this person behaves this way. Our condemnation and assessment always appear in the foreground - there’s no getting away from it! “You must! You must!” How often do the parents themselves pronounce these words: “We raised you, raised you, now you are obliged to take care of us!” In these words one can hear pressure, coercion, in a word, manipulation. It’s good if this is an isolated case, but if this becomes the leading component in behavior, in relationships, then we can assume that these relationships are not built on love, but exclusively on satisfying one’s selfish primitive needs, where perhaps fear forces one to defend oneself from the awareness of one’s helplessness and weakness, loneliness, abandonment and uselessness. How often, when we were small children, under the pressure of demands and obligations from our parents, we said to ourselves: “When I grow up big (big), I won’t force others to do anything!” But time passes quickly, and now we tell our children: “You must!” You must!” Yes, yes, we say! At least once in a lifetime, but it happens in every family. Is this really so? Do our children owe us anything? After all, no one asked us to give birth to them. It was our decision for which we are responsible. The Constitution of the Russian Federation clearly indicates the responsibilities of parents towards their children. But do we all follow them? From a legal point of view, at the time of “conception” the child did not yet exist, he simply did not exist, no one asked for his consent to his appearance in this world. Consequently, he does not bear any responsibility, therefore he is not obliged to anyone and does not owe anyone. But the Constitution of the Russian Federation Ch. 2. art. 38, part 3, obliged children to take care of their parents: “Able-bodied children who have reached the age of 18 must take care of disabled parents.” Parents, on the contrary, bear full responsibility for the decision to “give birth” to a child, since this was entirely their decision. Another question: was it a planned pregnancy or was it a sexual act for the purpose of pleasure. But, according to the Constitution of the Russian Federation Ch. 2 tbsp. 38, part 2, “Caring for children and raising them is an equal right and responsibility of parents.” According to the Family Code of the Russian Federation (FC RF) dated December 29, 1995 N 223-FZ Art. 61. Part 2. “Parental rights terminate when children reach the age of eighteen years (the age of majority), as well as when minor children marry and in other cases established by law when children acquire full legal capacity before they reach adulthood.” What is “Debt” " and "Responsibility?" In the everyday understanding, a debt is something that is borrowed for a while and must be returned. For example: returning a loan to a bank within a certain period of time or returning money to a friend. From a psychological point of view, DEBT is a person’s moral duties performed out of motives conscience. It is customary to distinguish debt as: obligation(legal, military, educational, professional). a form of gratitude (in relation to parents - “filial duty”). a conscious desire (to benefit people, which is based on respect for people). Duty is an unconditional action to perform, according to social requirements or by internal convictions. · Responsibility according to social requirements is the norms, rules of behavior accepted in a given society, these are social criteria for assessing you as an individual. · Responsibility according to internal convictions is the honor, duty and responsibility of each person, performed out of motives of conscience .We have come to understand that if a person does not want to fulfill his duties (professional, military duty, educational), because he feels that he is being forced to do so, then in this case we can talk about obligations according to social requirements. And if a person has a sense of duty and responsibility to carry out his work, proudly performs military service, without experiencing pressure, humiliation and maintaining a sense of self-esteem, then we can talk about a duty or obligation based on internal convictions. The difference between an obligation and a duty is that: - an obligation is performed by a person under compulsion and is not fulfilled in the absence of this factor; - an obligation is driven by fear of consequences for violations, and a duty is driven by the strength of one’s desires and confidence in their expediency. Strict moral and ethical social requirements in combination with parental demands leave their mark on personality development. It is generally accepted that relationships in the family should be built in accordance with the prevailing ideas about the scale of values, mainly on love, and not on exchange (you for me, and I for you). For example: many women demand from their husbands that they be given more and more money, they gave furs and jewelry for their feelings, for raising children, for cleaning the house. Are feelings sold? We can say that they are for sale, but not feelings, since they simply do not exist, and never existed, and if there were few, then they were also killed by routine, rudeness, callousness and misunderstanding in relationships with each other. The life of women in Russia is not easy, no one will argue. Having stood at the stove all morning, fed the children and sent them to school, a woman most often runs to work herself, and in the evening everything repeats itself..... There is no time for feelings if the closest person (spouse) does not take part in raising her children, does not show care, support and help, in a word, is not a support. In such a family life, less and less importance is attached to feelings; they are replaced by rationalization. Nobody wants to do anything under force. Man is an initially free being. But is this really so? After all, there are those very social frameworks, parental demands that envelop us like a “shell”, like a “shield” behind which we safely “hide” when we cannot cope with this or that situation, when we feel our weakness, powerlessness and impossibility, that or change. Perhaps we drive ourselves into this framework, because we are also afraid of the frightening unknown, not at home there, and therefore we endure humiliation and dependence. Remember how many times you do something just because you want it. Remember, at times we even smile forcedly because we have to, and not because we want to do it. No one will deny that care and attention from another person is pleasant. But how often does this happen? Answer this question for yourself: “How often do we show care and attention to another person, including close people: mother, father, children, spouse, and what do we expect in return?” No one will deny that we expect gratitude in return! Do we act in such cases in accordance with our conscience? This conscience again? If they said in the words of M. Twain: “If conscience were a dog, I would drown it!” (Tom Sawyer). But conscience is not a dog; it can only be drowned by wine or drugs. Who chooses which path?