"I want love, a relationship. Meet a man to be together." This is how many women usually ask about relationships. I clarify: “What is it like to be together? What do you need a man for?” At this moment I catch myself with a surprised look, a pause, “What’s unclear here?” Then there were versions that a woman needs a man in order to: take care of her, pamper her, listen, give gifts, admire, love, bring money and not ask where it went... A man is a kind of cornucopia, and she is such a goddess, graciously accepting gifts from mortals. She went through a bunch of trainings, pumped up her chakras, and meditates on light and love every day. Firestarter! Well, what’s unclear here?! The world at her feet is a small price to pay for such love. You are lucky to be next to such beauty. And as you know, washing dishes, hanging around the stove and changing diapers is not a royal business. Gods, they are not distracted by everyday trifles. Or a woman looks like a little girl who yearns for the tenderness and love of her father. She needs recognition - “you are important to me”, admiration - “you are my smart, beautiful, princess!”, care and surprises - “I bought you a new dress and ice cream”, security - “you have money on you, I’ll give you more tomorrow, spend it as you wish". - Everything you listed (see list above) is for mom and dad, but what does the man have to do with it? What are you willing to contribute to the relationship? - I ask. In response: “I don’t know.” He blinks his eyes and bursts into tears, because “I want a lot and just like that, but I don’t know what to give.” Please tell me about your family. Dad drank, parents divorced or left the family for another. Or maybe there was no dad at all in the woman’s life for a single day. Mom is constantly either at work or in the kitchen, trying to keep the family together. quarrels and scandals in the evenings with another man. Often grandmothers add fuel to the fire and tell their grandchildren the truth about their parents. This is how children grow up, not knowing what warmth and care are. They know how to survive like their grandparents, and achieve goals like their parents. And they don’t understand how to build a happy relationship with a partner in their life. Knowledge from the media, advertising, books, trainings and lectures adds up to a bizarre labyrinth of requirements that is incomprehensible even to the person himself. How will a partner find a way out of it? This is how “for luck”, “perhaps”, “what if” people create families. Then a divorce, then an attempt to find happiness, and then another, and so on. The result is disappointment in the opposite sex, low self-esteem and a silent question in the eyes “What’s wrong with me?”. Alas and ah, that’s all true. These are models-algorithms learned in childhood and recorded in the unconscious that control your relationships. Unfortunately, there are few effective strategies, more and more about pain and destruction. That's why the results are sad. Remember I gave examples about a woman-goddess and a woman-child? A spoiled or starved child for his father’s love remains a child even at 18+. And she unconsciously looks for a man to play the role of dad. Because in childhood this was not the case or there was too much of it. The behavior is different, but the essence is the same - you need a husband-dad. The first step to a relationship with a man is understanding the roles of a man as a father and as a partner, then the ability to separate them in your mind. Then comes recognition and gratitude to dad for the right to live. And then to mom. Like the one who raised new life. In words it is simple and clear. In fact, it’s an Olympiad problem with many unknowns. For some, this path takes 8-10 consultations. For others a few months. This is the time for: building new models (new neural connections), letting go of heartache, healing the soul, filling your relationship with a man with light. Only later, when there is no longer any longing and crying for parental love, does a woman begin to see a man as a partner, as an equal. In a partnership, both are invested in the relationship. Remember the symbol of a young family - two wedding rings that are connected. There is something that unites a man and a woman, fills their union (partnership), and there is something that belongs to each of them undividedly (personal life, parental family).