Continuation, Beginning: https://www.b17.ru/article/279044/Conflicts and relationships to them do not end with separation and the achievement of independence. Independence imposes its own requirements and its own dialectics. This is especially evident at the age of thirty. This is often called the thirty-year crisis. By this time, the person had already chosen a profession, a place of residence, and started a family. And all this is a clear sign of his independence. He already knows how to make decisions, make choices, implement his plans, but suddenly it turns out that in addition to his abilities, he has a bunch of limitations. He sometimes makes mistakes, plans are not implemented as quickly as we would like, many results, even if achieved, are not pleasing, and are often disappointing. It turns out that he is neither a genius nor a magician, as it often seemed during his youthful maximalism, when he looked at the life of his parents with some contempt and arrogance. A conflict arises between real possibilities and idealized ideas, the dialectic of “I can” and “I want,” which unexpectedly become opposites. I remember the toast from the film “Prisoner of the Caucasus”: My great-grandfather says: “I have the desire to buy a house, but I don’t have the opportunity. I have the opportunity to buy a goat, but I don’t have the desire.” So let’s drink to the fact that our capabilities always coincide with our desires. I have quite a lot of clients come with psychological problems associated with this crisis. And I noticed this pattern, these problems can be diametrically opposed: either a person understands that he does not know how to desire . All he considered his desires were social attitudes. Yes, convenient, yes, doable, yes, it corresponds to his abilities and the opportunities provided by society, but as if not his. Or the person realized that everything he passionately dreamed about in his youth, all his many desires turned out to be unrealizable, since the demands on himself and the world were too high. Some wanted to “have a goat” all their lives, but suddenly realized that they didn’t really need one, while others wanted to “have a house” but never found the opportunity. So, the dialectic of possibilities and desires.1. Great opportunities, small desires - Since such people are truly gifted by nature with talents, but do not realize them, do not put them into circulation, as in the famous parable about talents, they end up feeling meaninglessness, which can unexpectedly turn into despair and depression. It’s as if they never became full-fledged masters of their talents, they were stuck in teenage protest and procrastination. 2. Small opportunities, big desires - This category includes perfectionists who exhaust themselves with self-criticism, not accepting their limitations. Or adventurers who constantly take risks without accepting the limitations of the world. 3. Small opportunities, small desires - such a person is content with what he has. All the initiative of such people is in the sphere of everyday life, the life of an ordinary person, ambition at the level of vanity, that is, he never takes risks and does not make unnecessary efforts. There are people who choose this path of asceticism in the conflict “I can-want”; they fundamentally choose a compromise - not to develop “I can”, so that “I want” does not develop. 4. Great opportunities, great desires - these are passionate, gifted people. For such people, the “can I or will I” conflict can be resolved through cooperation. There is a desire to develop opportunities, there are opportunities to satisfy desires, and thus both desires and opportunities move to a qualitative level. Continued https://www.b17.ru/article/279418/.