Each of us has an individual space filled with our own needs and desires, in which our own laws and rules apply. This space is protected by psychological boundaries that protect the interests of the individual and perform diplomatic functions. Personal boundaries can be represented as a set of special receptors with which we check whether what rushes to us from the outside corresponds to our needs and desires. And based on our personal conclusion, we either accept it or reject it. We are comfortable in our personal territory, and we carefully guard our sovereignty. We decide for ourselves what to dream about and what to plan, with whom to share our thoughts and who not to involve in our affairs, what values ​​to focus on and what to abandon. We are very sensitive to any encroachments on our personal field, and we try to restore boundaries whenever someone tries to push them away at their own discretion. In no case are the boundaries of personality like a fence built once and for all or a spacesuit of a certain shape and size put on. They are invisible and elastic, they can either expand or contract in certain places, depending on the environment and conditions of the person. They can be partially clarified by observing the person, or verbally: “Is it okay if we switch to “you”?” “You suddenly fell silent. Did something happen?”, “Can I use your books in your absence?” The answers to these questions will tell us to what point we are allowed to step in relation to personal space. Of course, it is impossible to obtain a complete picture of the psychological boundaries of the individual, and it is not necessary. It should be clarified at the “area” where contact occurs. You always determine that your personal boundaries are being attacked or trampled upon at the level of feelings and emotions. If you are embarrassed or ashamed, annoyed or offended, if you are irritated or angry by the words and actions addressed to you, then there is an invasion of your space. Boundaries can be violated clearly and rudely when a person is prohibited from doing something, or his personal property is used without permission , they give you advice on how to live. These aggressive messages and actions always cause sharp resistance from the individual. But even more common are veiled attempts to dominate someone else’s space. What hidden methods of violating personal boundaries are used by those who are inclined to encroach on other people’s territories? There are many such methods, but we can try to group them: • invasion of personal space under the guise of care; • “dissolution” of the individual’s point of view in one’s own; • keeping the individual from natural self-expression through emotions, thoughts, desires, goals, etc. • denial of the value of another personality or the results of its work; • ignoring the personality and neglecting its desires and interests. The number and variety of options through which one or another way of violating psychological boundaries is manifested is surprising and saddening. Thus, imposed care can be expressed in unnecessary gifts - “I decided that you need a kitten/dog/dacha”, “I bought a ticket for you to a course of lectures...”, “take my bag on the road, it’s more convenient.” The desire to expand someone else’s experience is the same imposed concern and intervention in personal space: “I want to teach you how to use a full set of cutlery, since important guests will come to us today,” “write down how to get there,” “it’s time for you to learn a foreign language, That's why…". As soon as the person under care refuses to accept such care and protests, the “carer” becomes offended or angry, and, most importantly, is perplexed as to how one can not appreciate such a sincere desire to help. There is a special “moral concern” that comes from people with a reduced sense of tact: “ I am an honest and truthful person, so I will tell everything as it is”, “I will tell everything directly”, “No one will tell you the whole truth, if not me.” As a rule, after such a “caring” phrase there are statements that are wounding and painful foraddressee. Those who try to replace someone else's point of view with their own are even less aware of their aggressive activity. Parents strive, guided by a noble desire to soften the circumstances, to reassure their children: “It was your imagination. I think that everything was completely different,” “you’re too sensitive, you don’t need to pay attention to this at all,” or “I’m twice your age and I know you better...” Among adults, there are no less people who want to “dissolve” someone else’s opinion : “Something about you, some in the forest, some for firewood... Okay, I’ll say it for everyone,” “Darling, it’s strange that this occurred to you. Here, it’s obviously completely different…”, “You’re tired, you’re just imagining things.” This method of violating personal boundaries is also insidious in that it prevents them from forming. It is difficult for a person to understand where his true feelings are and where they are caused by some fictitious events and facts. Why is the following method of “retaining personality” also an encroachment on someone else’s territory? Judge for yourself whether the boundaries of personality are violated by the following comments: “Why are you as limp as a rag!”, “And I think what kind of idiotic laughter is this”, “this joke is designed for a primitive sense of humor”, “decent people don’t behave like that” ", "What kind of immaturity!" In these examples, one can see the desire to restrain the emotional manifestations of the personality and control the behavior of a person. Retention of the personality also occurs in those situations when it sounds: “We’ll talk later, there’s no time for you now,” “can you hear yourself?”, “What crazy plans...” , “Who is interested in such an idea?..”. A completely different kind, but again, retention is implied in remarks based on accusation: “Your words gave me a headache,” “When you behave like that, I’m ready to fall into the ground.” Having heard such comments, a person begins to limit himself in expressing his opinion, in emotional manifestations, and often withdraws into himself. Now let us turn to examples of denial of a person and his achievements. The expression is familiar: “Well, what kind of proposal do you have? Come here, if you have time, I’ll take a look”, “If I were you…”, “Was it worth wasting my time with such nonsense?!”, “You should write this completely differently”, “An achievement for me too...”? The person to whom such remarks are addressed experiences a whole range of feelings, ranging from discouragement to resentment or anger. In addition, he understands that neither he nor his works are of value to the speaker. Devaluation can also manifest itself in a more severe form. Many wives admit that their husbands tell them: “Why are you rushing to do this job? You still don’t earn normal money. I’d rather stay at home!” Here lies such a layer of depreciation! The value of the individual as a professional in his field, and the value of the wife’s contribution to the family budget are denied, and household work is devalued (“I would sit ...”). It is not surprising that women are outraged and protest against similar statements. Not only are the wife’s personal boundaries affected in many ways, but husbands also try to narrow them as much as possible and completely control them. As for ignoring the individual, such boundary violations have a particularly destructive effect on the “area” of self-esteem and the need for communication. One arrogant look and a person can feel squeezed and constrained. Ignoring desires and neglecting interests is often observed in families: “your football can wait, you need to study music”, “in our family everyone was a doctor, are you really going to break our tradition?” “What kind of mountains can there be if everyone goes to the sea?” In many of the examples considered, the one who violates other people’s personal boundaries either believes that he knows “how it should” better and shows a kind of concern, or is perplexed about what is so prohibited contained in his behavior. A person whose interests have been neglected feels wounded and depressed. Violation of personal boundaries inevitably leads to discomfort. “Identification” of the reasons for the deterioration of mood, depression, and surging irritation will provide the opportunity to find ways to ease the unpleasant.