How to make the right decision for yourself - to divorce or maintain a relationship? Divorce statistics from 2011 show that the number of divorces per 1000 people increased by 4.4% compared to 2010 and every tenth marriage in Russia breaks up. We must try to minimize the experiences, negative emotions, suffering, and problems associated with the divorce process. Throughout the development of psychological science in Russia, demographers and sociologists analyzed families at various stages of marital dysfunction, trying to identify characteristic features. The complexity of the analysis today lies in the emergence of new family models: patriarchal traditional type; child-centric modern; marital post-modern. The psychology of divorce and post-divorce relationships of former spouses largely depend on what type their family belonged to, since the line of behavior after divorce is generally preserved . From a psychological point of view, divorce is a change in the balance of forces that support or destroy a marriage. Thus, when destructive factors such as mutual hostility, apathy and irritation increase, the family falls apart. After which the ex-husband and wife need to go through a psychological divorce in order to free their minds to find a new partner. During a psychological divorce, a person needs to overcome a depressed state, begin to trust himself, feel autonomy from his ex-spouse and readiness for a new relationship. Unfortunately, people have very little idea of ​​what to do if love does not work out. We artificially delay a love union because we don’t know how to put an end to it. The connection stretches on and on, we all hope for a miracle, dreaming that one day we will wake up and everything will be wonderful again, as before. Alas, this, as a rule, does not happen. Reasons for divorce: The couple’s unpreparedness for family relationships. Marriage is the ability to listen to your spouse and understand him, adapt to his mood, learn to feel the slightest fluctuations in him. Many women/men do not want and do not know how to do this, they are not ready to compromise and look for a common solution to the issues that arise as they live together. In addition, a family is built not only on love, which is present before marriage. Family is also responsibility, mutual respect and understanding. When love subsides against the backdrop of family everyday life, a feeling of friendship and warmth for the partner must remain, and if they do not exist, then the spouse or both immediately do not see the point in living together, which becomes the reason for divorce. Incompatibility of views and characters. One of the main conditions for comfortable living together is the common interest of the spouses in one or another business, topic, general principles of raising a child, etc. Often such incompatibility is the result of the fact that the spouses are representatives of different social circles, different religions or different nationalities. As soon as two opposite poles begin to collide regularly, ending in quarrels and scandals, the question arises: why continue to maintain a marriage if it does not bring anything good? Material well-being: a marriage of convenience created on the basis of the material interest of one of the spouses; lack of money in the family in case of low earnings; the wife has more income - men are very sensitive to situations when a woman provides more financially for the family.. Adverse habits of one of the partners: alcoholism, drug addiction, morbid addiction to gambling are mostly characteristic of men, but women are also susceptible to such conditions. And neither one nor the other will tolerate long-term harmful habits, even of a once loved one. Marital infidelity. Modern research attempts to analyze the causes of adultery. I will give one of the most common classifications: New love. This cause of adultery is typical formarriages where love was insignificant or completely absent (rational, rational or forced marriages based on profit, fear of loneliness). Retribution. With the help of betrayal, the desire to take revenge for the infidelity of a spouse is realized in order to restore self-esteem. Desecrated love. There is no reciprocity in a marriage relationship. One of the spouses suffers from rejection of his love, irresponsible feelings. This encourages the feeling to be satisfied in another partnership where reciprocity is possible. Sometimes the cheater himself does not love the new partner, but responds to his feelings, sympathizes with the person who unrequitedly loves him. The search for new love experiences, as a rule, is typical for spouses with significant experience, when feelings have faded. Or in families with such a normality, when everything possible is taken from life. An option could be imitation of the “beautiful life” of foreign models, sexual freedom. Memories. With the help of adultery, a person compensates for the lack of love relationships that arises due to the influence of long separations, illness of the spouse and other restrictions on the fullness of love in marriage. Total breakdown of the family. Betrayal here is actually the result of creating a new family when the first family is perceived as viable. Betrayal by any person is experienced as a personal tragedy, and is perceived by many as a real betrayal. And how to continue to live with this betrayal, trusting a person, is unknown. For many, and especially men, it is not possible to forgive infidelity, and the only way out of the situation is divorce. Sexual incompatibility. Moreover, we are not talking about physical incompatibility, but about differences in temperaments, inattention and cooling towards each other. To solve a sexual problem, a married couple always has the opportunity to seek help from a sex therapist, but many consider this shameful for themselves and do not find the time or desire to visit a specialist. Which ultimately becomes one of the reasons for subsequent divorce. To successfully overcome post-divorce depression, there are various methods of psychological assistance. However, as studies have shown, spouses in a crisis situation regarding divorce prefer to first seek advice from their mother, friends and father. Only in 10% of cases do they turn to psychologists, psychotherapists and lawyers. How to try to save a relationship? 1. Discuss all your feelings and thoughts with your partner. Don't rely only on the advice of your friends. Your partner has the right to know what you think about your marriage, and he has the right to know what you think about divorce. The more open you are with your partner, the more likely you are to solve common problems and maintain love - or part ways with the world. Don’t wait until everything finally becomes clear to you; don’t dump your decision on your partner unexpectedly. Share your feelings and thoughts with him as they arise.2. Let the children know about everything too. If you don't talk about your feelings with your children, they will still guess your mood, but they will think that everything is their fault. Children become much more afraid when you give them too little information, even if the information is unpleasant. Let the children know that mom and dad are unhappy and think about how to make everyone feel good again. You have no idea how much love and support children can give you in such a situation. When a child feels that he is involved in solving a problem, he will experience much less trauma.3. Ask your loved ones for help. It can be very difficult to share your misfortunes with others; each of us wants to look strong and successful. But if you find yourself in a similar situation, you need love and support. Therefore, of course, you need to consult with friends and relatives. It is not necessary to take their advice into account, but care and participation will not hurt you. It would also be a good idea to contact a family psychologist. Psychological assistance during divorce includes conversations with a psychologist, psychosomatic correction,!