“People meet, people fall in love, get married” - is sung in a famous song. In my opinion, it sounds like this: “People meet... and don’t meet.” This is how I see it from an object relations theory perspective: I want to have everything. And to get this “everything” I am looking for an object that will give me all this. And I choose this object myself, trying with all my might to cling to it. And he, such a bastard, resists, doesn’t want to give me what I want, sticks around with something of his own that I don’t need at all. Yes, you can find a donor and drink blood from him. But here they both lose. You, because instead of calmly and relaxedly accepting, you waste energy on taking it by force. And he, because he defends himself with all his might, so as not to lose what he has in short supply or does not have at all. Therefore, tell me, why are you trying to take care of this small, just maturing, eastern man, who, by the will of fate, lives in a foreign land, who is bored for his mother, her warm nursing breast, and longs to be at least for a moment in the all-protecting cocoon of her love, already hungry from a long separation. For what? He can't give you care. He doesn't have it. He needs her himself. Why do you demand respect from your 27-year-old brother, in the soul of a 14-year-old teenager at the dawn of puberty? For what? He doesn't have it yet. Hormones play a role in it. He's just looking for himself. There are no authorities for him now. He needs a partner for sparring. Why are you desperately asking for love from this kind European, who was recently cheated on by his girlfriend with his best friend? For what? He has no love for you now. He, like a wolf, is still licking his wounds. He now needs time to recover and find himself again. And why do you expect emotional conversations and deep feelings from this alluring Moscow guy? Wake up, he says he gets an erection when you just chat through a computer screen. His energy does not rise to the heart area, it is all in the lower abdomen. He has no time for sentiment now. He needs sex. And why are you waiting for a firm male decision from this caring Latino? He doesn't know how to accept it. He grew up without a father; his mother was always his example. He himself needs a firm hand. Why do you want attention in your life from your childhood friend, who recently got married and is now preoccupied and inspired by the realities of family life and new career opportunities? For what? She doesn't have it for you. She has her own life, you have yours. In the end, she is not your mother, and you are not her daughter, it’s time to admit it. And finally, why do you demand adulthood from your mother, who was left an orphan not so long ago (and in childhood, her parents did not particularly spoil her with attention, just like many of us)? For what? She doesn't have it. She herself needs a mother; at heart she is still a little girl who lacks maternal warmth and love. It makes no sense to demand from others what they do not have. But many people live like this. And it seems that this is the point of impossibility of meeting. Because of spiritual poverty, both only demand from each other, but do not want to give anything. It is impossible to meet in this place. For a meeting is an exchange. You give - I take. I give - you take. And when I have nothing inside, I can only demand - Give! Give! Give! In this case, you are an object for me. I don't see you as a living person. You are my mother’s breast, from which I was once not given milk in deep childhood. And you're not here. And I'm gone. Sad. Where am I? Where am I, a woman, a person, a person? It seems like I groped... Yes, here I am. And I understand you. You want to take yours. Well, this is human nature. And I'm retreating. I am leaving the battlefield and withdrawing my demands on you. You owe me nothing. Just like I am to you. You are who you are. And I am who I am. If we met, that’s wonderful. If not, it can’t be helped. How strange, from these words comes clarity, as if the sky, clearing of thunderclouds, begins to shine with the spontaneous, crystal-clear azure of creativity and new possibilities. And others are already heard…