In constellation work, I often see situations where parents and children mutually confuse roles in the family system. A daughter who protects, instructs, scolds her mother, listens to her love stories, criticizes her clothes, hairstyle and the whole way of life (the daughter becomes a mother for her mother). A mother who calls her adult son five times a day to know all the details of his life, including his intimate life. At the same time, he has constant quarrels with his wife, things are heading towards divorce (the mother becomes the wife of her son). The son, who constantly resolves the conflicts of the parents, listening to their complaints against each other, helps the father meet with his mistresses so that the mother does not find out about it and did not suffer (the son becomes a parent for his parents). The list can be continued endlessly... With almost every client with whom we begin to work in constellations, sooner or later we have to put him in the right place in the family system. First of all, this concerns parents and children. Why is it dangerous to be out of place? The fact that a person does not live his own life and does not allow others to live or is a consumable material for his parents or children. Signs of such confusion of roles: lack of personal life, professional unfulfillment, difficulties with money, difficult emotional states, lack of energy for life and much more . Each case is unique. But the essence is always the same - a person does not live his life and does not give it to others. “As a child, my mother often drank, and I was with her all the time, I was afraid that something would happen to her,” says a young woman who cannot build a relationship, it’s as if she is invisible to men. In the arrangement, she stands behind her mother instead of her parents. “Mom periodically calls me and tells stories about women who use their men - she constantly sees this on TV or hears from friends. She considers all my women unworthy. And periodically she reminds me how hard it was for her to give birth to me,” says a chic, successful man, surrounded by the attention of women, among whom there is no worthy candidate for wife. In the arrangement, the wife’s place is taken by the mother. “My parents got married only because of my birth. They are complete strangers, they call me separately to share something important, but they never share with each other,” says a talented woman who succeeds in everything she undertakes, but she just can’t find her way in life. In the arrangement, she stands between the parents, gluing their relationship together. In this state, you can live your whole life - not your life. I can put everything in its place. If you find yourself often acting as a parent to your mom or dad, or one of your parents claims to be your spouse, try the following exercise. Imagine a parent, for example. , mom. “Dear mom, I see you. I'm your little daughter. Today I realized that I was trying to replace your parents/that you are trying to replace my spouse. Today I am clearing up this confusion. I am neither your father, nor your mother, nor your wife/husband, nor your lover/mistress, nor anyone from your past experience and the experience of your soul, nor anyone from our family system. I'm only your little daughter. You are not my child, you are neither my husband/wife, nor my lover/mistress, nor anyone from my past experience and the experience of my soul, nor anyone from our family system. You are only my mother. I’m removing all other roles and scripts from us today. I thank you for life. I will always be your daughter, you will always be my mother. But from today I live my life. I relieve myself of responsibility for your life, your well-being and your personal happiness and return it to you. You have your own life, I have mine. Please look kindly upon me as I live a happy, prosperous life.” The same can be done with the other parent. After that, you turn around and take a step forward into your life. It often happens that.