Quite often in my practice and in many sources, women appear who have been living in a civil marriage for a long time. And the most common request for consultation is “what to do next? She won’t marry me, but I want to create a full-fledged family. And it’s time to have children.” I think this situation is familiar to many. What is the reality of a woman being in such a situation? Firstly, after 1-3 years of living in a civil marriage, all the features and nuances of the partner have been studied, you want certainty and legalized relationships. And this is a completely natural process. The collective unconscious and the cultural matrix are increasingly reminding a woman of the need to enter into a legal marriage. And all conversations and judgments about the right of choice of a free woman and her decision to accept this form of relationship remain at the level of public debate. And the desire to create a normal family, like that of my mother, grandmother and her other ancestors, lives and grows in my soul. But there is no desire to be a temporary partner without certain prospects. Secondly, the situation has become common when a woman in a civil marriage takes on the lion’s share of responsibilities, and makes a much more tangible material contribution. And at the same time, the man quite sincerely believes that this is only a temporary union, intended for a pleasant life with a pretty partner without serious mutual obligations and not worth significant efforts and investments on his part. What for? If complaints begin, I’ll change my partner and continue to enjoy freedom and the accompanying female service. Whereas a woman views civil marriage, most often, as a prelude to a registered relationship and wants equal inclusion of a man in the process. Alas, most often these are unjustified hopes and a path to nowhere. If your partner hasn’t proposed after a couple of years of civil marriage, rest assured, he won’t propose in the future. He's feeling good as it is. And a woman’s desires and experiences are easily not noticed behind the wall of carefully nurtured (including as a result of a civil marriage) extreme selfishness and egocentrism. Thirdly, it is accepted in society that the man makes the proposal. And a woman’s pride does not allow her to shake her partner thoroughly and ask the question point blank: “So, dear, when will you take me down the aisle? I'll give you a month to think about it. Or take your toothbrush and socks and go and enjoy your freedom.” Let's be honest, how many women in a civil marriage have done exactly this? A tiny amount. It’s better to suffer from uncertainty, but a man is nearby. Even if it’s not exactly mine, and I’m in limbo as either a mistress or a permanent bride, but it’s better this way. But the unforgettable Omar Khayyam wrote: “...and it’s better to be alone than with just anyone.” Alas, beautiful, successful, self-confident people often prefer to become increasingly entangled in the snares of a civil marriage, but not to make a decisive leap either towards a positive resolution of their existing relationship, or towards a new, but more promising one. And these are just some of the most obvious aspects of a woman being in a civil marriage. But there are also difficulties with having a child. Not everyone is ready to give birth outside of legal marriage and put a dash in the “father” column. And how can you explain to your child in the future why the rest of the kids’ dads are “mother’s husbands”, but he doesn’t? And how to introduce him to friends and family? Just friend? This is suitable for very young girls. What if your friends are showing off their wedding rings and discussing the merits of baby strollers? Putting on a calm face in this situation is not a problem, but the blow to pride and, more importantly, to self-esteem will never be forgotten. And in the future, the stress from such situations will only accumulate. Neuroses and depression are not difficult to predict. So I have an unambiguous conclusion - a woman in a civil marriage is a victim walking down a dead-end path. Dear ladies, you should not drive yourself into the abyss of hopeless cohabitation. Find strength within yourself and solve the problem.